I asked him whether he’s in a Sylvia Plath mood. But now I think that I am. Life sucks so much and everyone have been asking me why it is so at this “small” age itself.. I don’t know whether they’re making fun of me. Or do we really have to be at a particular age to say that life sucks? Anyway, I gotta admit, there have been too many signs that are suggesting me to adopt the extreme. But I’m scared to… scared because suddenly the unthinkable has happened.. How would have I thought that things would turn up so? Or am I mistaken? Hasn’t been there any change in this world? Is it just seemingly or superficially wonderful? I’ve had moments like this before in my life too, but they all led to horrible aftermaths, and their memorries still make my eyes water sometimes. Is it the heart that wins where blood fails or is it vice versa? I’ll have to see for myself.. i.e if I can.. which means, before the crucial moment.

I miss someone very deeply. It might be him.. I’m sure, it is him. Absence makes heart grow fonder, is it? Let him come, I’ve got a heavy heart and I need to open up. So let him come, and I hope that the inevitable does not happen before his return. I’m wondering now.. about something that he said some time back. What if he’s right? I’ll probably kill myself if he is, but maybe he was suggesting the extreme, so that his good friend wouldn’t be that sad when she realizes the truth, after having expected the worst. God!! I can’t wait for him to come back, coz eighty-nine days is a very long time for a best friend to stay apart.

Tomorrow’s May 1st. A great, big voidness for a whole month awaits me. Hope I won’t kill myself out of boredom…