[After about twenty minutes of rewinding my memories, I finally found the exact time-frame.]

I went to Bangalore in February to attend the NIFT campus placements there, and stayed with my dad’s cousin in her apartment. For me, she has always been this supercool icon or role-model or whatever it is that people look up to and try to be. And when I got there on that really chilly Bangalore morning in February with the cold reaching down to my very spine, she made me that hot cup of green tea which I badly needed. My very first cup of green tea.

She put in some dried, curled up leaves into the boiling water, and they slowly became its usual self – long, green leaves – like magic. I have seen my dad and mom drinking green tea, but those were made with tea bags. Two dips and voila, tea! So I watched this entire, otherwise mediocre, but now totally intriguing tea-making process, wide-eyed. When the liquid in the vessel had become slightly greenish, she cut off the flame and took the vessel down. She added a pinch of sugar, and transferred the colorful fluid into two glasses. There I was, standing with a hot glass of green tea wedged between my palms, soaking in the warmth that it bought to my whole body. We came to the living room, sat down, and started talking. I enjoyed every sip of the green tea, thinking why on earth I haven’t ever thought of trying it before! We talked until the previous night’s left-over sleep started crawling back on both of us. J chechi (I call her ‘chechi’ despite the nature of relation) and I usually have conversations which I consider myself lucky to have had, and this time, the green tea just added to it. She warned me that most people dislike green tea due to its odd taste, but I found myself considering it slightly delicious even! Anyway, as soon as I got home and told my dad about the magic of dried, crumbled up leaves becoming green when it’s put into hot water, he bought me a pack of green tea leaves just before I went back to Cochin.

I lived in a PG accommodation that time in Cochin, a two-storeyed house with two rooms downstairs, Nisha and I occupying each one. Every night after the house-owner has gone upstairs, we make a cup of green tea and start talking. Oh, how I loved those conversations! It is through those that we became the close friends that we are now. The reason why we still hang out and call each other, even if we don’t live together anymore. I gave her that pack of green tea before moving out, and she says that she has never enjoyed the tea like she used to after I’ve left. I felt touched and happy when she said that, even though I didn’t think that was actually true, given the fact that girls overdo emotions sometimes. Being a girl, I should know better.. hehe! I was thinking that the tea didn’t taste nice since she probably added too less, or too much tea to the water, as it was always I who used to make the tea for us. I judge the tea by its color, by its greenish-ness, which is why it tasted nice, except for the first two or three days when I added too much tea to the water.

—————————————————————————–

Today, I did observe the green color that was developing inside the kettle. I stopped when it took the right shade of green. Math did not fail me tonight during the entire tea-making process. Then why did it taste so bitter and not delicious like before? Wasn’t it the same brand of tea-leaves that I recommended to my friends? And why am I thinking about all these green-tea moments that happened in the past? And then suddenly it dawned on me. Nisha was not overdoing it when she said that about the tea. It was not the tea that tasted so nice. It was never about the tea. The tea was the same all throughout, even now. Bitter! Little did I realize until now that it was the conversations that made the tea taste delicious!

My day started with me looking through Google Maps to find the way from my apartment near Vyttila to the boat jetty at Marine drive. When I figured that out, I started the ride, just getting it wrong at one place, but finally ending up at the boat jetty. I was told that there was parking space, but whatever I saw was a KSRTC Bus Bay, with a board that prohibits other vehicles from entering. So I went ahead, missed the left-turn towards the real entrance of the boat jetty, and went all the way up till Bay Pride Mall and parked my scooter there by the roadside, doubting whether it will be there when I come back.

After a quick visit to the ATM, I started walking through Marine Drive, where I could see many people gathered there for God-knows-what-purpose, at around 10 o’ clock in the morning. I’m sure that it was not for a morning walk, considering the time. I was the odd one out, considering the way I dressed – shirt, pants, high-heeled pumps and my hair in a high pony tail. I covered myself with the stole I had, not just to escape the stares, but also from the scorching sun. Soon, some youngsters began following me, talking within themselves in Hindi, and as they started walking almost by my side, I couldn’t think of anything else but to call a friend and talk. When I too was lost in a conversation, and looked less worried, they stopped following, and I finally outpaced them. My friends in Ernakulam had asked me to watch out for this exactly, and said it was best to ignore them rather than going for an offensive stance.

Anyways, I reached the Boat Jetty, took a ticket for Mattancheri and got into the boat. The journey was rather interesting, since it was first of its kind to me. I wanted to wear my sunglasses, but then it was too beautiful a scene to see with a tint! There were two stops before reaching Mattancheri, one being Fort Kochi. So many people take the ferry every day, and for the first time in life, I took the ferry to go to work. hehe! I’ve seen this in so many movies, and it felt nice to feel what it was like for real. I mean, to take roadways and waterways both to go somewhere. hehe!

When I reached Mattancheri, I felt like I was in some other part of the world. The place was swarming with foreigners, and it felt a bit like Pondicherri. Anyway, the store was situated almost opposite to the Boat Jetty, and it looked more or less like an old fashioned bungalow. It brilliantly dissolved in the whole ambiance of the Jew Town street. That further made me feel like I’ve taken a ferry to some place in some movie, the people, the places, the prices and all very different from the ones in Cochin.

Before seeing the store, I was asked to meet the manager upstairs. A spiral staircase, one, from the looks of it, simply wouldn’t fit a person using a shirt size greater than 42″, led to the office upstairs. Probably propagating an idea of fitness among the employees? Anyways, I started climbing up the stairs, and realized that it was not built for high heels either. I stuck to the wider side of the steps in order to save myself from an embarrassing accident, because mishaps caused by high-heels are always embarrassing incidents, despite the severity of the mishap.

I was offered coffee from the Manager’s office, and I could ask for a glass of cold water or something, but yeah, it was certainly a Malayali thing to offer coffee or tea to a guest irrespective of the time of their arrival. hehe! He talked to me for an hour or so, and gave me an idea of sales reports and stock reports. I think neither of us was aware of the fact that we were talking business about a store which I haven’t even seen yet. Anyway, I thanked him and made my way to the stairs of prospective embarrassment again to go downstairs. Man, climbing down was trickier, and I cursed myself for wearing formals and high-heels that day. Shops out here propagated an idea of holiday, rather than elegance, class and vanity, like the other Hidesign stores. Again, I was the odd one out.

The whole day was spent redoing the visual merchandising of the store, and the sales executive, a nice and polite girl, Ms. M, helped me rearrange all the fixtures and bags and shelves. It was a lot of work, and finally, we were able to put together something that made the store look a bit more visually-appealing. The shop called Ethnic Passage had many stores within; an antique furniture store, antique figurines, curios and statues, Ritu Kumar’s store, a cafe and many other things which I’m going to visit in the coming days. The shop is also a passage to the synagogue situated at the back end of the shop, and the name Ethnic Passage couldn’t be any more apt for this establishment. People from the other stores had gathered around to see the work-in-progress, and complimented me a lot when it was finally done. They said that the store never looked this nice, as opposed to the dull and lifeless setting which was there before. And even I felt the change, wondering who had done the visual merchandising before, hiding many of the products from the customers who passed by.

Anyway, by evening, I was making my way back to the Boat Jetty, in order to go back home. This place didn’t have a ticket counter, and after about 5 seconds, it struck me that tickets are probably being sold inside the boat. I looked at the chart for the ferry-timings, and there was one at 17:05, and I checked the time and it showed 17:05. I ran towards the boarding point, yes, in high heels and the boat was just moving away. The guy shouted at me to jump in quickly and in fear of falling into the water and the fact that I don’t know swimming running through my mind, I climbed in with all my might. I expected the boat to sway, but it was as solid as a rock. Wow. All my Bollywood style running and jumping for nothing? The damn thing could have swayed at least a little bit to acknowledge my receipt?

The return journey was far more interesting, mainly because the boat was full, and there was a lot of chitter-chatter going on. It went past a cruise-ship that was anchored nearby, and I suddenly figured out the reason why there were so many foreigners all around. When we went past the ship, people on the deck started waving at us. I was wondering what they were doing there, when they could have gone out instead. Also, what it would be like, to go on a holiday to some unknown place and wave at boats passing by. I tried to control the smile which came at the thought of me sitting on the deck chair, wearing a bright colored skimpy outfit, and a dressing gown on top, sunglasses and flip-flops, my hair tied up, clutching a magazine and all. hehe!

When I reached Marine Drive, at around 5:45pm, I thought of visiting the Hidesign store in Bay Pride mall in order to meet the Regional Manager, Ms. R, who had become more of a friend to me. Our personalities matched and clicked just like that from the very first day onwards. She helped me a great deal with my project, and I thought it was only right that I report to her before going home. But when I reached the store, only the store manager Mr. S was there. R had gone to Calicut for official duty, and he was bored to death there, since the other employee Mr. J was on leave, and was quite relieved to see me! hehe! I sat there and we talked for about an hour or so, only about Hidesign and business, but I was later wondering how much a part of Hidesign I had become in so less time. At about 7pm, a customer walked in, and was looking at office bags and travel bags, which meant around twenty thousand rupees of sales, so I thought I’d just be out of the way and got out of the store.

I went to the place where my scooter was parked, and as I had expected, people who had no idea about how parallel lines work had parked their vehicles in skewed lines, trapping my scooter in. I had just enough space to get just my scooter out, that is, if I was pulling it from behind instead of from the side, or by sitting on it. I tried a couple of times to get it out, but it won’t move since the road was at a higher level. Suddenly, the scooter started moving backwards, as if by magic, and when I looked around, I figured it was not magic, but a concerned and thoughtful guy helping me pull the scooter out! He asked me to keep the handle straight, and together, we pulled it out, scraping a bit of the Activa parked next, with my scooter’s footrest. He said if people didn’t know how to park their vehicles, they deserve it, and asked me to forget it. hehe! Anyways, I thanked him, and was on my way back home.

I knew only one way from Marine Drive to Vyttila. And that was the way which my friend had shown me once. I dropped him one day at Marine Drive, and he instructed me which way to go. Since he pretty much got the idea that I had understood nothing, and also since it was around 10pm then and there was no one to ask the way and all, he said we’ll go together once and I’ll just have to drop him at Marine Drive again, and that time, I could try and go alone. I rode the scooter as per his instructions, and observed carefully the way I was going. I dropped him again at his apartment in Marine Drive, and reached Vyttila correctly. So, that was the only way I knew to get back to Vyttila from Marine Drive.

I thought I’d be getting home in some half an hour or so. But no. Before reaching some bridge in between, two policemen asked me to take a left-turn if I didn’t wanna pay a fine of Rs. 500/-. I didn’t know what they were talking about. I looked a bit puzzled, and they told me that two-wheelers and three-wheelers were not allowed on the bridge. That seemed funny. Normally, it’s heavy vehicles that are not allowed in some bridges. What was the logic behind such a decision? Anyways, I didn’t seem inquisitive about the logic, but did seem to be about the way back home. They said that I could take the Pachalam route instead. I know I’ve heard the name of that place in a movie, but didn’t feel like familiarizing with it at about 7:15pm, alone.

Anyways, I went ahead and stopped near an auto-rickshaw and asked the guy how to get to Pachalam. I started moving along as per his instructions, and passed by all kind of roads, level-crossings, secluded areas, and a lot of helpful rickshaw-people to finally get to Kaloor. It was a junction, and I didn’t know which way to go to reach Vyttila. So I asked the last rickshaw-guy for the day which way to go to reach Vyttila. Finally, when I reached Kadavanthra, I heaved a sigh of relief and acknowledged the fact that I was lucky enough to not lose my way, or run out of courage. Or petrol, for that matter. After Kadavanthra, it was an easy ride back, swearing to God that if I had to do this same thing tomorrow, I wouldn’t probably remember any place whatsoever I had passed through today. At around 8:15pm, I reached home, my neck and back hurting like hell after riding through the maddening traffic and covering around half of Ernakulam.

All I was looking out for was a fun boat-ride to work. But Ernakulam traffic outpaced all that, when it came to levels of adrenaline rush. Bravo! ;-)

“For good? [Torture?]“

“Yep. For good. Oh, I am so much relieved and happy now. Now I know what Indians felt like on August 14th, 1947!”

“Duude.. don’t overdo it.”

“You don’t get it, babe. I am a free woman. WOMAN. So please stop ‘dude’-ing me.”

“FYI, ‘dude’ has now been accepted as a unisex form of address.”

“Whatever. The important thing is, I am free! Oh God, how do I start celebrating?”

“Maybe by telling me what the heck is going on?”

“Yes, babe. I will. We are meeting for lunch, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, we are. And I am starving! But wait, lemme ask you something. Aren’t you, like, sounding a bit too upbeat for a person who just got dumped?”

“Got dumped? What tha eff!! I dumped him, sweetheart! I’ll tell you in detail once we meet.”

“Okay then.”

“Bye-ee (musical).”

“Bye.”

——————————————————————–

She dumped him??? Then this must be one of those watching_too_many_chick_flicks, overflow_of_gumption, taking_back_your_pride_and_dignity moments which happen a lot to all those women who go out with total jerks. But he is not a jerk, is he? He’s my friend too, and it certainly hurts when you are a mutual friend, and one of them starts bitching about the other. But of course, the power to set everything right also lies in my hand. So lets see what she has to say, and maybe try and put some sense into her mind. His mind too, later.

I was wondering what to wear that afternoon. If I look too good, will she mind? Probably not, considering the fact that the way she dresses when she goes out has no connection whatsoever with her mood. She always looked good, no matter what her mood was. Except for that time when she lost her grandfather. God, for how long did she mourn back then? But that’s what I like about her. She may look totally shallow and everything, but actually cares a lot for the people who matters. Even I belong to that group. Which reminds me, I should totally wear that black kurti and dark pink chudidhar and dupatta which she gifted me once.

I quickly took a shower and got dressed, did my hair and eyes. My eyes had a slight hint of pink on them, just like my matte lip color. I hated gloss coz they look disgustingly gooey! I looked in the mirror. Was this too much? But this is how I normally look, but probably the situation didn’t call for make-up. Anyway, like always, my brother will help me identify whether I look too ostentatious.

I went to his room, and told him that I am going out and that I’ll be taking the car probably. He was playing Angry Birds, some level which I had never seen before. God, he’s into Physics too much.

He looked at me, and frowned.

“Boy, could you BE any more pink? I thought I had influenced you enough to include other colors in your life.”

Wow, that was a good hit.

“What should I lose?”.

He resumed the game. But I could hear him amidst all that noise those angry birds were making.

“Who am I? Your stylist? I don’t care what you look like. Just don’t tell anyone that we are related.”

That bad, huh? I went back to my room, changed the pink chudidhar to black, and looked in the mirror.

“Better.”

I went out and called her wondering who will help me tone down the fanciness of my wardrobe when I go back to Pune after my leave.

“Should I come and pick you?”

“Why? Are you taking the car?”

“Yeah, it’s difficult to get a rickshaw at this time of the day.”

“Hmm. Okay then, come and pick me. I’ll wait at the junction though, coz I am already walking.”

“Alrightie. Bye.”

“Bye-ee (musical).”

As I was driving, I couldn’t help thinking whether I should ask about it in the car itself, or whether I should wait until we reached there. I mean, extreme emotions should not be dealt with when you are behind the wheels, so I’d rather wait. Anyway, I didn’t think that she’d start talking about it just like that either. She would want me to feel that I ‘wanted’ to listen to her story before she would start talking about it.

——————————————————————–

“Hey, that was quick. Since when did you start driving so fast?”

“Or, you were lying about the fact that you started walking.”

“*laughing* You know me too well, dear! I got a bit late and was just out of my room when you called which, by the way, does mean that I started walking.”

“Sure it does. Buckle up now.”

“Very well. Hey, you changed the car-perfume. I couldn’t take any more of that lemon smell, you know?”

“Neither could I, but mom insisted that we have it. You know, she has this vomiting tendency while traveling.”

“Oh, I am so sorry then. Just that, lemon fragrance reminds me too much of Pappu. He used lemon smell soap, room freshener, agarbathi and all, and even now, it, kind of, hurts.”

“I know, dear.”

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her look like that, or even seen her talking about Pappu like that. I mean, I don’t have that much of a connection with my own grandfather, so I don’t know what she’s talking about. But I do have a grandfather, and I’d rather see him alive every day. But I guess she *is* really disturbed now, to be thinking about him like that and all, from the expression on her face.

“So where are we going?”

“You are driving, you should know better!”

“Don’t you know that people next to the driver’s seat drive better?”

We both laughed. And we both knew where we were going.

——————————————————————–

I parked the car and we got out. And that is when I noticed that she too has dressed up real nice for the occasion. I love that copper sulphate blue and electric blue colored salwar kameez of hers. It suited her well, and she had matching accessories to perk it up. Just like me, she had also worn matching kajal in her eyes. I had the same blue kajal stick with me, which we bought together. And I suppressed the chuckle that came out while thinking what my brother would say if he saw her like this!

Though we had dressed up fancy, I didn’t choose any fancy restaurant to match up to it. There’s this place in the middle of the city; a shopping mall with two restaurants inside. One restaurant is situated on the rooftop, and has a good view of the city from all the four sides. If we look closely, we can even make out the beach-line. It is always very breezy and well-lit there, and provides a warm ambiance for a heart-to-heart talk. We always come here at least twice a month to have lunch and therefore, the place and the people are very familiar.

She didn’t want to go straight to the restaurant, neither did I. Instead, we went to our usual cosmetics store to replenish organic resources like lip-balm, hand-made soap, foot care cream, etc. She saw a nice set of earrings made of grain and seeds, and picked one for each of us. I didn’t want the earrings, but picked up the matching ring instead. We paid and got out of the store, and started window-shopping.

“There’s not much crowd here today, right?”

“Yeah, but then the parking lot is, kind of, full. I think everyone’s at the cinemas.”

“Which all movies are going on now?”

“I don’t know. Bro came here with friends yesterday to watch Ra-One.”

“Ra-One?? Uff! Why are people so crazy about that movie?”

“Naa. He’s into animation and stuff.”

“Hey do you think we should go to the restaurant now? When the movie is over, there will be big rush, right?”

“Oh yeah. I didn’t think of that. We better go now.”

——————————————————————–

We ordered the usual dishes and didn’t have to refer the menu for that. Butter naan, paneer butter masala, and butter chicken. yep, quite a dairy-poultry indulgence. While we were waiting for the food, she started talking. Finally!

“I guess you are waiting for the time when I’ll feel comfortable to talk about it, right?”

“Yep. We know each other too well. So you ready?”

“Yeah, I am. I mean, like I said, I feel different because I dumped him.”

“Dumped?”

“I know that’s not a classy word. But yes, I did dump him. I’ve had enough of this torture or whatever that was going on between us for the past three years. I know I’ve never spoken like this about the relationship ever. That’s because I still had faith in him. But now, I don’t see a future with him. He can never be a good husband. You know what? I never cared about his looks, his stylish way of living or anything. I know he’s good in all that. He has a very good job, he’s fairly rich and he has a nice car, which he keeps changing every year. He plays golf and billiards with his friends. Very classy enough to be sought after, right? But to me, you know what matters most? Few years down the line, when we don’t have to live our lives to impress others, but only to support each other and our family, will he behave nicely to me? Or will he still be jumping at me like this? When we are old and I need his support, will he give that? Or will he still be yelling at me? And the thing is, I have, kind of, figured out that he will still be jumping and yelling at me like this.”

We couldn’t resist tearing a piece of the naan and dipping it into the hot and spicy gravy, which had grated butter and coriander leaves in it. We didn’t know which tasted better. The butter chicken or the paneer masala? Or was it the naan that made them both taste better? She had welled up a little after saying all that. But the food calmed her down.

“How did you figure that out?”

“From the way he treats me. He has no respect whatsoever for me. I am just a mode of entertainment for him.”

I put in a piece of the naan and butter chicken into my mouth and started thinking about those times when I was working in Pune. She used to sneak out during a weekend or so, telling at home that she was visiting me, while she’ll be gone with him to some exotic beach/lake-resort.

“You know his job, business may be up and down at times. He has to have his eyes on the stock market all the time. Don’t you think that it is unfair of you to ask him to be humane to you, under the given circumstances?”

I couldn’t hide the sarcasm, and she did find it.

“I knew you’d stand up for him. Imagine yourself in my position. What would you do?”

She finally put in that piece of chicken which she was playing with into her mouth. I was relieved, because it had started to annoy me.

“First of all, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with my best friend to start with. And don’t take this the wrong way, but I would be having a life of my own to shape and worry about at our age, and hence, would fret a little less about my boyfriend not calling me every day.

“Are you saying that I am nagging him? I just want to hear his voice, coz that’s the thing which is as important to me as the stock market is to him. Sadly, he doesn’t know that. And you can’t help who you fall in love with. Its, kind of, involuntary, isn’t it? About my life, I do worry about it and I am not just waiting around for him to call.”

“Hey, you wanted an opinion. I said it. And you don’t have to prove anything to me, dear.”

I smiled.

“Besides..”

She was looking into her plate.

“Yeah?”

She wouldn’t look up. Was she gonna cry? She had turned red.

“I think he is seeing someone else.”

“What?????”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Why???”

“I have some doubts. I don’t want to say it out loud, because I don’t want to know that it could be true. I trust him. And I don’t even want to think that way. But then, some things which have happened have given me this doubt. And I don’t want to say it out loud.”

Wow. How am I supposed to react to this?

“You can say it out loud to me. You know that I won’t make it worse. I am his friend too. And I kinda know what’s going on in his life too.”

“I know. But how will I? I trust him.”

“Girl, you broke up with him because of this reason too. Now does it even matter? Unless you wanna go back?”

“Oh no, I don’t!! Okay, I’ll tell. See, this happened when we were together in that resort in Goa last year. You had just moved to Pune then, and I didn’t have your number. I had called you in your old number to tell this as soon as it happened, but you were switched off. I think you were shuffling both numbers back then. Remember? Later, it, kind of, slid from my memory with the help of his sweet-talk.”

“Just sweet-talk, huh?”

I winked.

“Shut up, idiot! And listen to this. When we were there, he had gone to take a shower and his phone was nearby, so I took it to play Angry Birds.”

I sighed.

“You know how much I love that game!!!!”

“Yes, continue please.”

“Okay, so while I was playing, I got a message from an unknown number asking when this sender can meet him again. It seemed fishy, so I checked out his sent box to see if he had sent messages to this number. And shockingly, he had. It was all ‘what are you doing, babe?’ ‘I am thinking of you and the good times we had, sweets’ and all. I mean, babe and sweets? Good times we had? Thinking of you?”

“Hey, he has the same ‘babe’-ing disease which you also have. I mean, he addresses me also that way. It could have been sent to me.”

“That’s what I checked first. But there were messages that were sent to you on the same day, which had your name in the ‘From’ area. All asking about how you are finding Pune and all.”

“Oh yeah, I remember now. He was totally paranoid about me having to live in Pune alone. I hate to say this, but I think he is a better friend than boyfriend. But most guys are like that only. They take their girls for granted, no need of formality and stuff, na?”

“Still you are sticking up for him only.”

Her face fell.

“No no, dearie. I don’t want you to get a wrong idea of him. Do you think I want to see him as a cheater? Or the fact that you were going out with a loser all this time? I love both of you. And nothing makes me happier than to see you both being happy and content with each other.”

“I love you too and I got you. But this is not just an accusation. I waited until he was out from the shower, and told him that there was a message in his phone while I was playing and that I read the message. His face went red and he asked me whether he can have at least some privacy in his life. I said that it was a mistake and that I didn’t read it on purpose. Anyway, since I was cool with the whole thing, he too didn’t act up much.”

“Did you find out who it was from?”

“Never. I checked out his phone again after he replied to her. He had told her that he will try and meet her more.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

We got up to wash our hands and went one by one to keep an eye on our stuff. As we waited for the cheque, she continued the story.

“But why didn’t he save her number?”

“That’s the reason why it felt fishy in the first place. When I saw that he had sent a lot of messages to this number, and still hadn’t saved it, it didn’t feel okay.”

“Hmm. Maybe he saved it twice under different names or something? That way also, the number does not appear, right?”

“Yeah, unless that feature varies from phone to phone.”

“True.”

The cheque arrived, and we paid, picked up our bags, and got out.

——————————————————————–

“And the way he behaves to me has gone from bad to worse. I am sure that he has some other person in his mind. And even if I am wrong, I don’t want to go back to him. But now that I am out of the relationship, you know what I am gonna do? I am gonna find out who this girl is and what was going on between them. I wrote down her number from his phone.”

“That’s a nice plan. Tell me again why you are doing it?”

“Coz I wanna know! Just to put me out of my misery. I don’t want to hear it from him, so I didn’t ask him.”

“Great plan. Why don’t you do it right now?”

“Not now. Not from my number. I don’t want him to know it until I’ve got all the info I need.”

“Do you want to use my Pune number?”

“Doesn’t he know that?”

“Yeah, he does. But he rarely calls me in that number. By the way, when are YOU gonna start calling me in my Pune number. It’s been a year, and you know how much money you both cost me by calling in the local one?”

“You know why I love that number. We took our cards together and its the same number except for the last digit. I feel a lot closer physically to you when I dial it. Even the extra zero bugs me.”

Wow. She does care a lot about her loved ones, and she does weird things with her feelings too. I wish he’d know sooner what he is missing and would come back for her. I wish I could talk some sense into his mind. Indiscretions are the villains in any relationship. But I wish everything become alright soon.

“And to tell you the truth, I didn’t even store your Pune number.”

“That’s too much. Draw a line where you are now and store my number. Sooner or later, you’ll be in Pune too. And we’ll get another number together, with a difference of just one digit.”

We laughed together. It was around 4:30 in the evening. We thought about going back to my home for tea.

——————————————————————–

“I’ll call him and talk to him.”

I was behind the wheels and discussing sensitive issues.

“Is that necessary?”

“He knows that you come to me when there’s any problem, na?”

“Yeah, but don’t make it like I asked you to do it.”

“You didn’t. For a good reason. SO why would I?”

“Coz you want us to be together.”

“So can I?”

“NO!!!!!!!!”

I laughed.

——————————————————————–

“Hey you are calling me only now?”

“You are always busy.”

“Not for you, babe.”

“Don’t come up with the sweet-talk. I heard that you are good at it.”

“What sweet-talk?”

She was listening to the conversation too. What seemed natural before had become uncomfortable.

“These things which you say, and don’t mean.”

“Okay where do you wanna meet? Gimme fifteen minutes to reach there.”

“No, idiot. I wanna talk to you now. So save those fifteen minutes and invest it now in this conversation.”

“Wow. You sound different.”

“I met her. And she talked to me.”

*silence*

“Hello?”

“I’m here.”

“What happened?”

“I can’t help being busy most of the time, can I?”

“Listen to yourself and answer that for me.”

“I know I’ve been a jerk of a boyfriend. So I guess this is a good change. For both of us.”

“What?? Are you serious? You are talking like you *made* her dump you.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. I know she has been really unhappy. And I can’t do anything to make her happy. Just to be the cause of someone’s sadness, and not being able to do anything about it sucks. I hope she finds happiness away from me.”

I looked at her. She was angry, and sad. She was grinding her teeth, but tears were there in her eyes as well. I had to speak for her.

“You sound like you already did.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You tell me.”

“Shall we talk later?”

“Sure, busy man.”

“This is much more serious than I thought. And not just friends catching up. That’s why. I am sorry. I’ll call you for sure after some time.”

I kept my phone down and looked at her.

“Why did you mention that?”

“I had to, dear. I didn’t like him talking like that. It made me think like he really *was* having an affair.”

“You do?”

“I don’t know, sweety. I will find out tonight. And if he was, neither do I want to talk to him after this. Not just because he cheated on my best friend, but also because he will not be the person who used to be my other best friend.”

“And I will find out who the other girl is.”

“Yeah, you do that. God, this day is turning out to be so bad. Are you gonna be okay? Do you want to stay over?”

“No dear, I am fine. If he was cheating on me, which I think is true, I am more than happy that I got to dump him. And I don’t have any regrets about anything, except for not inducing any physical pain or damage to him. It’s not bigger than losing Pappu or anything. I just lost the company of a jerk. Good riddance! I’ll be fine, babe.”

I hugged her.

“Take care, Keerthy.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more.”

Once she left, I started thinking about the whole thing. What did he mean by all that? When is he going to call? I was fretting enough about this for the both of us, while she had found her peace, or so it seemed. I knew her for more than two decades now, and him for about 7-8 years. They met through me. I helped them through the initial stages of their relationship. It grew right before me. But how did I miss this part? How could he talk to both of us while his conscience was not clear? When this hits the fan, he’s going to lose his girlfriend as well as his best friend. Does he realize that? Or is he going to lie to me as well? Am I still his best friend, by the way?

Dinner was served, and I barely ate anything. I called her up and asked her whether she had dinner.

“Yeah, I did. Not much though. Just enough to give me the energy I’d want to go through the calling_her_up part.”

“He didn’t call yet. Anyway, you go ahead and make the call. And let me know how it goes.”

“Sure, babe. Bye-ee (musical).”

“Bye.”

At about 11 pm, my mobile’s screen said ‘Tinku Calling’.

I thought for a second about what to say.

“You finish your work only this late every day?”

“I don’t finish my work any day. I just took an off tonight.”

“Wow. That busy?”

“Pretty much.”

“Isn’t it too much? Haven’t you had enough of the consequences? What’s your life like, now?”

“You seem to know something about my life. I wanna know what it is.”

“Nope. I want you to tell me.”

“Tell you what, exactly?”

“I don’t know. Your indiscretion, perhaps?”

“She told you that?”

“She told, and you are proving her right.”

“What do you think?”

“Stop asking me questions, Amal. And answer mine.”

“Amal? Not Tinku?”

“If that’ll help you understand that I am serious.”

“Alright. Okay. You wanna know? I’ll tell you. I do have an indiscretion. I am falling for another girl now.”

“What the heck? Are you actually telling me this? Falling for?? Why didn’t you talk about this to me earlier? I would have definitely done something to help you. Why didn’t you tell me? Am I not your best friend??”

“You are. And I was scared to tell you. Ashamed and confused, too. I still am all that. And frankly, I never even planned until now to tell you. But I wanted to tell her. She found out on her own, I guess.”

“Yeah, she did. About a year ago. And still went on thinking that you’d come back.”

“A year ago?”

“Yes. When you both were in that resort in Goa. You got a message from some unknown number, to which you had sent messages even before, and had replied to, later.”

“Oh God. I remember that incident. I thought she didn’t think much of it.”

“She was your girlfriend back then, for crying out loud! She would definitely think A LOT about it!!”

“I didn’t save her number because her name makes me crazy. I did that because I thought it was just an infatuation that would go off eventually.”

“And you couldn’t come to me with it.”

“I told you. You would have judged me.”

“Judged you, huh? Well this is just great. Do you even know me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Are you drunk? Or have you lost your mind entirely??”

“Piya, I was falling for YOU. That’s why I couldn’t come to you.”

Many things flashed through my mind. Like, how she didn’t know my Pune number till today, how she mentioned the words ‘babe’ and ‘sweets’ in his messages, how he always used to message me during my first few months in Pune.. I was frozen. Could this day get any more worse?

Just then, I heard my other mobile ringing. It was my Pune number. I looked at the screen. It showed, ‘Kee Calling’.

“Fuck.”

[This story is purely a child of my imagination. Resemblances to people, DOA, are uncanny.]

I studied again in a girls’ college for three years and still didn’t have a chance to tell at home that I know a guy without raising a question of ‘Logically, from where?’. But I did join Orkut during the time I dropped out of my engineering classes, and hence, knew a bunch of guys and girls who I’d never met for real. That’s where I met Srijith, who turned out to be different from every guy I had met till then. He didn’t hit on me, didn’t flirt with me, but only turned out to be incredibly funny and interesting. Soon we were found online in Yahoo messenger chatting *all* the time. And then, we decided to meet. This was the first time that I was meeting a guy who: Wasn’t my neighbor, Wasn’t my former classmate, Wasn’t any of my brother’s friends, (Not that I’ve met any of the afore-mentioned anywhere alone :D) Heck, it was the first time I was meeting someone alone, just me and the other person! It was a friendship turning to “something more” phase, so we were a bit shy, but anyway, we met. This was the second turning point of my life.

Days passed after the first meet-up. 8 days, to be exact, and he proposed. I didn’t even have to think for an answer, it was so obvious, and I said ‘yes’ to him. August 24th, 2005 – 2:24 AM. It was going to be a entirely new life for us both from then. My first love, and my first many other things. My third turning point in life.

In the first year of college, I stayed in the college hostel, which was my first time staying away from home. I made friends, or rather sisters, who I know will be there for each other for life. College hostel was the first place which required a *lot* of adjusting from my part. In the second year, however, my friends and I took a house for rent and shifted. I learned to COOK! :P We even made an elaborate ‘Onasadya’(feast) on that Onam (a festival), and invited our friends from hostel over. It’s not a big deal for graduation students to take a house for rent, but it is a big deal to make a big Onasadya by people who didn’t know the difference between salt and sugar by just looking at it! :P I even have an old blog-post about that in here!

Next incident I consider big is, at the end of first year of college, we have to go to any state in India and stay there for two months to study their arts and crafts. We have to form groups of five or six members, and my group had five of us. We chose to go to Haryana, and were accompanied by noone other than the five of us. It felt big because, usually students go on class trips as a whole class, with teachers accompanying them, and if in a co-ed college, the guys protecting the girls and doing all the organizing part of the trip. This, we had to do on our own. Preparing an itinerary, taking tickets, traveling, reaching Delhi, going to Haryana, exploring Haryana, studying their arts and crafts, not getting lost, not getting hurt, all on our own. It felt great, actually. That made me understand that we *are* capable of doing things like that at that age. Also, that even I am brave enough to do things like that! That’s the fourth, now.

Throughout the three academic years, we had to travel a lot; for sourcing of fabrics for the final collection, for extra study modules, etc. Traveling to any part of India wasn’t any of a big deal by then. I still can’t believe the transformation I had! One has to know who I really was in order to comprehend my feelings about it. My parents, for example. They gained enough trust and belief over me and stopped worrying so much about me, gave me lots of freedom, and started comprehending the fact that I *can* watch my back. Which was also the reason why they started believing in my decisions.

By the end of college is when I got a job and started working as a teacher in my own area of expertise. I started telling my parents about my friends from social networking, they started accepting the fact that I have guy friends, and even they started liking my friends, who often visited my home, which was kind of a new thing. It has contributed a lot to my parent’s belief over me, that I will have no secrets from them, when I still had one. :P The best part out of these friendships is that, it helped me accomplish many things that I’ve only dreamed of. Like long rides and trips to unknown places, rides in the middle of the night, a New Years eve party on my terrace till 3am, another one on another terrace which lasted all night, visits to a local pub, DJ nights etc etc. By the end of college is also the time when I had my first ever drink, that again, in style, with my Dad, celebrating my graduation :P It was just incomprehensible, the amount of transformation from a strict Dad and Mom who never approved of my mingling with guys, to one who would pour me a drink and say “Cheers”! So getting my graduation could be my sixth.

I had to wait for one and  half years in order to reach the next pitstop, which is my post-graduation. Which is, now. I would have got my post-graduatuion in Fashion Design by now, if I had joined Pearl Academy of Fashion, like I had planned to. Well, not like I had planned to, but like my parents had planned to. They just wanted me to get my post-grad, but I wasn’t ready for that yet. Anyway, I wrote the exam for them, cleared it and got a seat. But had second thoughts in the last minute and decided to wait for a year and study in the nation’s best institute rather than settle for “luck”. Life did get a bit hard after I decided not to go to Pearl, and it did remind me of my engineering drop-out days. But with just a year, I was able to get in NIFT, the National Institute of Fashion Technology, studying where has given me so many insights into so many differernt things. It has transformed the small town girl into someone much better, and someone a bit more bold, knows a hell lot of new things in the “managerial” side of life :P, and someone who has learned a bit about the art of surviving in a big city called Chennai. Truly, my seventh. And let me poudly say that this is the second birthday of mine that I’m going to spend in Chennai, away from home, away from my guy, away from dearest friends, and away from Trivandrum.

On a sunny evening, a Guy and Girl are sitting on a bench by the roadside. As we reach closer to them, we can hear what they are talking. Both of them seem to be disappointed about something.

Girl : You know what? I’m sorry.
Guy : Huh?
Girl : Yeah. Like, for the first time ever, I am really really really sorry. *smiles*
Guy : *smiles*
Girl : Yes. I am sorry that I met you. That I destroyed my life because of you. That I disrespected and disregarded everyone because of you.
Guy : *smile changes to shock*
Girl : And therefore, this is it. I want to start a life without you in it. Let us say goodbye. Let us try and not run into each other. Let this be the end. Goodbye, and good luck.
*Girl exits scene*

She has found freedom. Why does she call it freedom? Because she was in a relationship before, which called for lots of etiquettes that were to be followed, which kept her from being the person who she really is. Was it a sacrifice that she made for love? Yes, it could be called so, except she forgot the difference between love and liability a long time back. Everything worked like it was programmed, not like it came from the heart. If she couldn’t be who she wanted to be, then what was the point in being in this “love”. Doesn’t it love allow freedom? Doesn’t it allow liberty? So there, whatever it was that held her back had gone. She’s free from it’s clutches now. Is this what she wanted? No, she wanted love. But maybe she doesn’t realize what she wants, so she flew all she can with the newly-acquired wings of freedom.

It is so very difficult for almost all guys to understand that what a girl actually wants is the freedom to do something, and it’s not even likely that she is gonna do it, whatever it is. She just needs the freedom. Being told “Don’t do it” is the worst restraint that she can get, and makes her blind to the question of how less likely of her is it to do it. But guys do not realize it, mostly because, they think they need to put their foot down in order to gain control or whatever. But that kind of women happen only to a minority of men. Most women look up to their men for advice, for support and for opinion. It does not make the men any authoritative, or make their women subservient. It is only a mutual understanding, just as beautiful as a relationship between a mother and child, where one protects the other.

So let me come back to the Girl. She’s out with her friends, enjoying life the way it is supposed to be, doing the things that she wanted to do, even the things that her guy would not let her do. Honestly, she had no great intention of doing them, and she did not actually find them interesting. But she had to release herself from the ‘clutches’ that were mentioned before, and doing these things brought the buoyant little spirit of her’s back to life. She was in control of herself again. She was herself again. She thought it was gonna hurt. It did, somewhere. But the joy of getting herself back surely did help her overcome those pains. And as she started showing indifference to the Guy’s calls and messages, it became certain that she was getting over him. After all, when she thinks about how the Guy had ill-treated her, how he never deserved someone as good as her, how she survived all his mind-games and negligence, it was not very hard to be that way, to be relieved, and to begin a new life. At present, she doesn’t even know the whereabouts of this Guy.

As I can’t narrate what kind of issues she was facing in the relationship as it will be a good breach of privacy, I cannot throw light on how happy one should obviously be for the Girl. But everybody she knew was happy and relieved for her. Was I feeling the same? Well, I believe in happy endings and wanted the guy and girl to patch up, talk openly and work on their relationship, since I believe it’s only them who can understand the way they could stand each other! ;) But who cares what I think. She was a poor victim of extreme ego, extreme smothering, and extreme male-chauvinism. Probably, it was a good thing that she left him. They are on their separate ways now, and things are working out quite well for the Girl, even on the romance curve. :-)

The End?

But wait. This story has two sides. We know that the Girl escaped from the Guy, and that she’s doing well somewhere. But what about the guy? What happens to him? Who will tell his story? Who will want to listen to his story? He’s the outcast here, right? A deserving, yet poor victim of a displeasing fate. For better analysis, let’s rewind to the past a bit. [Note: This is not recommended in real life.]

Girl : Yes. I am sorry that I met you. That I destroyed my life because of you. That I disrespected and disregarded everyone because of you.
Guy : *smile changes to shock*
Girl : And therefore, this is it. I want to start a life without you in it. Let us say goodbye. Let us try and not run into each other. Let this be the end. Goodbye, and good luck.
*Girl exits scene*

Guy continued to sit on the bench for some time, not turning up his head to see her walking away. He did not want to see her walking away. Neither could he accept the fact that he just got ‘dumped’. He got up, started walking in the opposite direction, symbolically, still not able to control his mixed feeling of outrage and sadness at being dumped. If at all he had done it, he wouldn’t have been this unhappy. And he failed to understand why he was unable to say something back at her at that time. All this was a major-ego bash to him.

[Narrator's intervention : Well, it does seem like the guy is a jerk. But I'm not writing a fictional story, and this is not an allegation either. These were his original thoughts, since it's the guy who is my friend, and whatever I wrote about the girl is just what that was described to me.]

He deleted her number and messages from his phone, took her off Facebook and Gtalk, put his status as ‘single’ and ‘interested in women’, changed his bio and all to adapt to the new changes, went out for drinks with friends and smoked up. Seven days. That’s all that he could do without her. That too, counting the days as they passed by. He called her after those terribly long seven days. Of course, the number-erasing part was only symbolic, since he knew her number by-heart. Her phone kept ringing but noone pickep up. He continued this for another seven days. He even called her friends who also gave the same response. The frequency of calls had started diminishing day by day, until it finally came to a stop. He decided, or rather, realized that she had actually meant what she said the other day. And that it’s up to him to do something now.

The something that he had to do included a lot of things that may help him get over her, since it was not an easy job for him to forget her. All this time, he was under the assumption that it was she who was dependent on her. But no, it turns out that it was the other way round. If he ever had become an extrovert, if his confidence to deal with challenges in life had increased, if he had achieved any of his goals, it was all because of her. To impress her. To make him worthy of her. Maybe he knew it all these years, and wasn’t ready to accept it. Or maybe he just didn’t realize it. Either way, he had to realize it now. Isn’t it ironic how everything fall into place just when time runs out?

He doesn’t remember her number now. Not even her face. I don’t know how someone can actually forget the face of his/her first love. But he really does not remember it. Shallow and short-term relationships have started playing their part so well in his life. And though he says that he’s not looking for anything serious, and that he wants nothing more than to be sold off in the arranged-marriage market to the highest bidder, I can see that he still wants to be loved, not by someone special to him, but by someone to whom he’ll be special. Perhaps, very very very very very secretly, by her.

:-)

Love is not pain. Only the absence of love is pain. And it’s up to each one of us to decide it’s presence and absence. Who can we blame for a broken relationship? How can anyone say it’s one person’s fault? It takes a little bit of understanding from both sides to put a relationship on track, up and running. Don’t wait for a cue. This is not a chance to be the bigger person. Nor the better person. It’s a chance to succumb to love. To delve deep into love.

I must get this. I really must. I don’t care how old I become when I will really be able to achieve this, but yes, it will be an achievment. My achievement. Something that I can say is mine, and will be, without anybody questioning it, or without any kind of uncertainty hovering over it. I am not materialistic. I don’t crave for material possessions, except that which kindles the spirit of certain human-relationships. This apartment, which I’d like to call a ‘home’, my home, is where my soul will be, and where my heart can be, just as safely as it had been in the place which I call ‘home’ now, the place where I grew up, took my first steps, and got moulded into who I am now.

Is it too deep a feeling to be showered over a concrete enclosure that’s, probably, yet to be built? I don’t know. My feelings are pretty strong for the things/people that/who I really want. But my only fear is, I am prone to finding solitude. Often when I am unable to cope up with the blatant realities of life. It includes blunt and petty trivialties of every day life, like maybe the short absence of someone, inadvertent negligence, a slight change in the pattern of things that I deal with day-to-day, etc. etc. to unfair and non-petty things like death and other severe losses. I draw myself back into a shell when these happen, just to be safe from the wilderness out there that’s way too incomprehensible to me. If I live alone, who will bring me out of it other than I? I don’t know if I am cut out to take that kind of control over myself.

But then, my dream, the apartment, the privacy, the cooking, the cleaning.. All of these look at me longingly, with puppy-eyes! :P hehe! Maybe I am underestimating me a bit here. Maybe I am capable of doing greater things than I think I can or can’t. Well, how will I ever know if I don’t try? ;)

Yes, I do try and not let people affect me. I used to be super-friendly and all, but after a few lessons which I learned the hard way, I found myself encapsulated in a very small world, away from all the hype that which people call ‘Social Networking’, which I could understand only as a way to acquaint with someone on a higher social stata by patronizing them. But then, not being able to bear the monotony of it all, which had started taunting me, I came back. It was also an escape from reality, comparing to which, the severity of the patronizing et all where so much more lesser. Maybe there’s a side of everyone which you shouldn’t come to know in order to like them.

I don’t know whether I’ll have those moments again. Or whether my aloofness has gone from bad to worse with the recent voidness that has engulfed me. People think that my life is all planned out. Personally, I think these are the people who have no clue about anything that’s going on in my life or doesn’t actually give a damn about it. Those who know me.. well, and those who knew me, only they see the gazillion question marks in my life. And that is the reason why time spent with them becomes the best time of my life. Because I don’t have to cheat on myself or pretend that I have no uncertainties in life, while I am worrying myself to death deep inside.

Uncertainty… I love that word.

Now, what exactly is happening here? Especially in long-distance relationships? I have a long-distance relationship with my guy, and I’ve never felt the need of infidelity to survive the physical distance from love. But I have witnessed a lot of failed relationships, failing relationships; all because of distance! And I have more experience seeing what girls are doing in this case. But this doesn’t mean that it’s only girls who do it! On that note, let me begin probing deep into what’s happening here.

Suppose there’s this girl and guy who used to be happily in love with each other, and the guy or girl had to go away for some reason, maybe for studies or for job. Let’s say that the girl went away, because it’s the girl’s side that I am talking about, and also, I think that neither of them would have the guts to cheat in their own turf. So, the girl is in a new city, all alone and all on her own. She’ll surely miss the good times that she had back home, or wherever she was, being the princess to her guy, getting all the attention that she wants. And the sudden absence of that person and the privileges and the sudden being nobody stage all lights up loneliness and sadness.

In order to escape from this loneliness, while most girls turn to friends, merriment, fun or a hobby, some girls take it a step further, resulting in a “local” boyfriend_like_person. This person is the acting boyfriend, who is tagged as her closest friend so that if they lightly hug in public or if he has his hands around her, no one misunderstands. He is also the one who is with her all the time, goes shopping with her, goes to the movies with her, holds her hand while walking, eats with her, waits around for her, and eventually ends up spending time with her in his home.

In spite of having to devote a portion of her time to her acting boyfriend, she never fails to catch up with her socially accepted boyfriend. Late night phone calls, video chats, gifts being sent for his birthday and on Valentine’s day, gifts being received on the afore-mentioned days, observing this (ridiculous) fasting thing for his good health, sending huge cards the size of a newspaper to say she that misses him, receiving equally huge sized “I miss you too”, etc. etc. I mean, I have heard that people who buy huge cars and build huge houses are making up for.. *ahem*.. Anyway, I doubt if these overmuch expressions of “love” (OK, no more judging!) are just done out of guilt, or whether they are that insensitive to realize what kind of whor.. er.. promiscuous people they are.

Most of the time, the boy could be single, or sometimes a playboy, or someone who is equally cheating on his girl too. The playboy and the cheater are comprehendible. The behavior, I mean. They are expected to do so. But then, what about the single boy? Why does he do it? Well, wait.. Why does anyone for that matter, have the need to tear a relationship apart instead of putting some sense to her head? Rhetoric question! I’ll ask a much more valid question then. Why can’t she end things with the other guy if she doesn’t find the relationship to be worthy enough to maintain the sanctity of it for? What exactly goes through her mind while she’s juggling two (plus) guys to consummate her love life? I mean, I see a lot of these people around me now since the culture has changed along with the environment. Am I allowed to go up to them and ask about this when they think that I don’t know a thing about it? And even if they know that I do, they can always cut me off with “Don’t you know that I am miserably committed to my XYZ from the core of my little black heart? How can you even think of such a thing! Oh my Gawwd!”

Pitiful!

There’s only one reason that I can think of, as to why I am so sad and moody all the time.

First of all, I think I made a terrible mistake by joining this course in NIFT. At first, it was the NIFT name that kept me going. But now, I’m getting a little more clarity and has started realizing that this is not what I actually wanted. When I joined for Fashion Technology for graduation after dropping out of engineering college, I gave up a prospective better paying job in order to follow my heart. But when I joined for this course now, I stopped this teaching job that, though paid less, was something I was passionate about. I wanted a better paying job this time. I used to hate merchandising and similar fields of work, and wanted to stay in designing itself. But the other one had more chances of employment and pay, hence I made up my mind to pursue it. I don’t know when money became a part of my dreams. And this does not make me happy. This tunnel that I’m in, is starting to look like the same tunnel that I was in during my engineering days! The only difference is that, engineering was imposed on me, whereas this was my own wish! I cannot complain.. I’m still looking for the light at the end, hoping that I won’t be run down by a train!

I should be jumping up and down in joy now that I’ve got admission in NIFT for post graduation. And also for getting the 15th RANK! This is something that was beyond my dreams! It never even crossed my mind to try NIFT last year when I thought I’d settle for Pearl Academy of Fashion(PAF), the second best institute. When I changed my decision in the last minute to not go to PAF, many reasons were there, out of which, “I should try NIFT next year” was only one that I made up to convince my angry and desperate parents (read Mom!). Dad always let me live my life the way I pleased, though sometimes, especially when I refused to write the State Bank of India (SBI) exam, he talked about the “sacrilege” I had committed once by not joining PAF. After around one year of multi-colored neon arrows building up around me and pointing at me saying “FAILURE” (contributed by me and lots of others), I finally plucked up the courage to write NIFT this year. I don’t think anyone understands why I needed courage there. Many were already judging me saying, “Why are you even bothering to write? To screw it up again by discontinuing at the last minute?”. I did not react to any of it. Maybe they were joking. But it’s true that I did nothing to prepare myself for the test or interview. I had a feeling of Fate from the beginning itself, that it will work this time (or not! :D).. The first tests, General Aptitude Test(GAT) and Managerial Ability Test(MAT), were actually easy for me, and for that I thank Mom, Dad, Bro and Brilliance College at Thampanoor(Trivandrum) for their vigorous SBI clerical examination training!! hehe!!!

The second exam was in Delhi and it consisted of Group Discussion(GD) and Interview. GD was awesome for me. It was a case study and the topic was “Levi’s jeans came up with a plan to sell merchandise offering monthly EMI’s to customers during recession. Is this idea good or bad?” Well, if I were allowed, I would have fallen off the chair laughing after reading it!! But I had to maintain decorum, so I didn’t :D Monthly EMI to buy clothes and shoes? Well, Levi’s or not.. :-|

There were 10 of us (5 girls and 5 guys) in the group and 5 people in the NIFT Board that was watching us. 3 out of 10, including me, were against the idea. All the guys were coming up with good points and I remember only one girl besides me who cared to say something. A feisty one she was, but as she was brilliantly supporting Levi’s's idea, it meant that I had to counter her! Too bad she wasn’t on my side! :P It was fun in the beginning to argue, but she kept bringing hypothetical situations in and I was losing my interest and also getting irritated when she kept beginning every sentence with “Quite contrary to what Ms. 10 (my number was 10) said, …”! It was very difficult to convince the Board, until I said something “nasty” that changed the whole situation :D I told them that if Levi’s offered me a one year EMI plan to buy a costly pair of jeans, I’m sure that even before I finish paying the EMI, the fashion would change and I can only drool at the new trendy pair of jeans in the shop, while I’ll be considered a dork if I’m still wearing the jeans that I still haven’t finished paying for :D The Board laughed! The two others who were against the idea were beaming! Ms. Feisty was rolling her eyes at me! I think I was smirking! :P And she suddenly said, “What Ms. 10 said is true, but still, maybe *insert weak comeback*”

;-)

Well, I’m not bragging! I have no idea how I managed to even breathe while 15 people listened carefully to every word that I was saying. I was inaudible in the beginning and the Board asked me to speak up! I stammered on every word later and some guy asked me to repeat what I just said (AKA talk in ‘human’, please!). And I couldn’t believe that I conjured up a big sentence like that, of which, I had only planned the first few beginning words, while the rest of the words came out of my mouth in the correct order, very audible, very clear, very ‘human’, and sensible enough to make an impact! It even had detail, coz I had emphasized the words ‘drool’ and ‘dork’ and also added a sarcastic laugh while saying ‘paying for’ in the end! :P The Board asked us one by one to say our concluding words and some guy mentioned ‘Ms. 10′s point’; such mentioning considered as self-proclaimed plus point during GD. Outside the GD room, most of them came and congratulated Ms. Feisty and Ms. 10 (er.. that’s me :D), and said that we’ll both get selected for sure, which boosted my confidence :) I congratulated Ms. Feisty too, and although I don’t remember her name now, I too think that she must have got selected too for her sheer confidence! :)

I have almost chosen Delhi as my preferred center for studying in. Until counseling is over, I can’t say anything, because, only they can tell me which center will be the best for my course, Masters in Fashion Management. But anyway, I’m not all that excited about it or feeling happy about it as much I am supposed to be now. NIFT, 15th rank.. Everyone I tell this to is actually talking about it as if it is the big deal that it actually is! But for me, something’s missing..