“For good? [Torture?]“

“Yep. For good. Oh, I am so much relieved and happy now. Now I know what Indians felt like on August 14th, 1947!”

“Duude.. don’t overdo it.”

“You don’t get it, babe. I am a free woman. WOMAN. So please stop ‘dude’-ing me.”

“FYI, ‘dude’ has now been accepted as a unisex form of address.”

“Whatever. The important thing is, I am free! Oh God, how do I start celebrating?”

“Maybe by telling me what the heck is going on?”

“Yes, babe. I will. We are meeting for lunch, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, we are. And I am starving! But wait, lemme ask you something. Aren’t you, like, sounding a bit too upbeat for a person who just got dumped?”

“Got dumped? What tha eff!! I dumped him, sweetheart! I’ll tell you in detail once we meet.”

“Okay then.”

“Bye-ee (musical).”

“Bye.”

——————————————————————–

She dumped him??? Then this must be one of those watching_too_many_chick_flicks, overflow_of_gumption, taking_back_your_pride_and_dignity moments which happen a lot to all those women who go out with total jerks. But he is not a jerk, is he? He’s my friend too, and it certainly hurts when you are a mutual friend, and one of them starts bitching about the other. But of course, the power to set everything right also lies in my hand. So lets see what she has to say, and maybe try and put some sense into her mind. His mind too, later.

I was wondering what to wear that afternoon. If I look too good, will she mind? Probably not, considering the fact that the way she dresses when she goes out has no connection whatsoever with her mood. She always looked good, no matter what her mood was. Except for that time when she lost her grandfather. God, for how long did she mourn back then? But that’s what I like about her. She may look totally shallow and everything, but actually cares a lot for the people who matters. Even I belong to that group. Which reminds me, I should totally wear that black kurti and dark pink chudidhar and dupatta which she gifted me once.

I quickly took a shower and got dressed, did my hair and eyes. My eyes had a slight hint of pink on them, just like my matte lip color. I hated gloss coz they look disgustingly gooey! I looked in the mirror. Was this too much? But this is how I normally look, but probably the situation didn’t call for make-up. Anyway, like always, my brother will help me identify whether I look too ostentatious.

I went to his room, and told him that I am going out and that I’ll be taking the car probably. He was playing Angry Birds, some level which I had never seen before. God, he’s into Physics too much.

He looked at me, and frowned.

“Boy, could you BE any more pink? I thought I had influenced you enough to include other colors in your life.”

Wow, that was a good hit.

“What should I lose?”.

He resumed the game. But I could hear him amidst all that noise those angry birds were making.

“Who am I? Your stylist? I don’t care what you look like. Just don’t tell anyone that we are related.”

That bad, huh? I went back to my room, changed the pink chudidhar to black, and looked in the mirror.

“Better.”

I went out and called her wondering who will help me tone down the fanciness of my wardrobe when I go back to Pune after my leave.

“Should I come and pick you?”

“Why? Are you taking the car?”

“Yeah, it’s difficult to get a rickshaw at this time of the day.”

“Hmm. Okay then, come and pick me. I’ll wait at the junction though, coz I am already walking.”

“Alrightie. Bye.”

“Bye-ee (musical).”

As I was driving, I couldn’t help thinking whether I should ask about it in the car itself, or whether I should wait until we reached there. I mean, extreme emotions should not be dealt with when you are behind the wheels, so I’d rather wait. Anyway, I didn’t think that she’d start talking about it just like that either. She would want me to feel that I ‘wanted’ to listen to her story before she would start talking about it.

——————————————————————–

“Hey, that was quick. Since when did you start driving so fast?”

“Or, you were lying about the fact that you started walking.”

“*laughing* You know me too well, dear! I got a bit late and was just out of my room when you called which, by the way, does mean that I started walking.”

“Sure it does. Buckle up now.”

“Very well. Hey, you changed the car-perfume. I couldn’t take any more of that lemon smell, you know?”

“Neither could I, but mom insisted that we have it. You know, she has this vomiting tendency while traveling.”

“Oh, I am so sorry then. Just that, lemon fragrance reminds me too much of Pappu. He used lemon smell soap, room freshener, agarbathi and all, and even now, it, kind of, hurts.”

“I know, dear.”

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her look like that, or even seen her talking about Pappu like that. I mean, I don’t have that much of a connection with my own grandfather, so I don’t know what she’s talking about. But I do have a grandfather, and I’d rather see him alive every day. But I guess she *is* really disturbed now, to be thinking about him like that and all, from the expression on her face.

“So where are we going?”

“You are driving, you should know better!”

“Don’t you know that people next to the driver’s seat drive better?”

We both laughed. And we both knew where we were going.

——————————————————————–

I parked the car and we got out. And that is when I noticed that she too has dressed up real nice for the occasion. I love that copper sulphate blue and electric blue colored salwar kameez of hers. It suited her well, and she had matching accessories to perk it up. Just like me, she had also worn matching kajal in her eyes. I had the same blue kajal stick with me, which we bought together. And I suppressed the chuckle that came out while thinking what my brother would say if he saw her like this!

Though we had dressed up fancy, I didn’t choose any fancy restaurant to match up to it. There’s this place in the middle of the city; a shopping mall with two restaurants inside. One restaurant is situated on the rooftop, and has a good view of the city from all the four sides. If we look closely, we can even make out the beach-line. It is always very breezy and well-lit there, and provides a warm ambiance for a heart-to-heart talk. We always come here at least twice a month to have lunch and therefore, the place and the people are very familiar.

She didn’t want to go straight to the restaurant, neither did I. Instead, we went to our usual cosmetics store to replenish organic resources like lip-balm, hand-made soap, foot care cream, etc. She saw a nice set of earrings made of grain and seeds, and picked one for each of us. I didn’t want the earrings, but picked up the matching ring instead. We paid and got out of the store, and started window-shopping.

“There’s not much crowd here today, right?”

“Yeah, but then the parking lot is, kind of, full. I think everyone’s at the cinemas.”

“Which all movies are going on now?”

“I don’t know. Bro came here with friends yesterday to watch Ra-One.”

“Ra-One?? Uff! Why are people so crazy about that movie?”

“Naa. He’s into animation and stuff.”

“Hey do you think we should go to the restaurant now? When the movie is over, there will be big rush, right?”

“Oh yeah. I didn’t think of that. We better go now.”

——————————————————————–

We ordered the usual dishes and didn’t have to refer the menu for that. Butter naan, paneer butter masala, and butter chicken. yep, quite a dairy-poultry indulgence. While we were waiting for the food, she started talking. Finally!

“I guess you are waiting for the time when I’ll feel comfortable to talk about it, right?”

“Yep. We know each other too well. So you ready?”

“Yeah, I am. I mean, like I said, I feel different because I dumped him.”

“Dumped?”

“I know that’s not a classy word. But yes, I did dump him. I’ve had enough of this torture or whatever that was going on between us for the past three years. I know I’ve never spoken like this about the relationship ever. That’s because I still had faith in him. But now, I don’t see a future with him. He can never be a good husband. You know what? I never cared about his looks, his stylish way of living or anything. I know he’s good in all that. He has a very good job, he’s fairly rich and he has a nice car, which he keeps changing every year. He plays golf and billiards with his friends. Very classy enough to be sought after, right? But to me, you know what matters most? Few years down the line, when we don’t have to live our lives to impress others, but only to support each other and our family, will he behave nicely to me? Or will he still be jumping at me like this? When we are old and I need his support, will he give that? Or will he still be yelling at me? And the thing is, I have, kind of, figured out that he will still be jumping and yelling at me like this.”

We couldn’t resist tearing a piece of the naan and dipping it into the hot and spicy gravy, which had grated butter and coriander leaves in it. We didn’t know which tasted better. The butter chicken or the paneer masala? Or was it the naan that made them both taste better? She had welled up a little after saying all that. But the food calmed her down.

“How did you figure that out?”

“From the way he treats me. He has no respect whatsoever for me. I am just a mode of entertainment for him.”

I put in a piece of the naan and butter chicken into my mouth and started thinking about those times when I was working in Pune. She used to sneak out during a weekend or so, telling at home that she was visiting me, while she’ll be gone with him to some exotic beach/lake-resort.

“You know his job, business may be up and down at times. He has to have his eyes on the stock market all the time. Don’t you think that it is unfair of you to ask him to be humane to you, under the given circumstances?”

I couldn’t hide the sarcasm, and she did find it.

“I knew you’d stand up for him. Imagine yourself in my position. What would you do?”

She finally put in that piece of chicken which she was playing with into her mouth. I was relieved, because it had started to annoy me.

“First of all, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with my best friend to start with. And don’t take this the wrong way, but I would be having a life of my own to shape and worry about at our age, and hence, would fret a little less about my boyfriend not calling me every day.

“Are you saying that I am nagging him? I just want to hear his voice, coz that’s the thing which is as important to me as the stock market is to him. Sadly, he doesn’t know that. And you can’t help who you fall in love with. Its, kind of, involuntary, isn’t it? About my life, I do worry about it and I am not just waiting around for him to call.”

“Hey, you wanted an opinion. I said it. And you don’t have to prove anything to me, dear.”

I smiled.

“Besides..”

She was looking into her plate.

“Yeah?”

She wouldn’t look up. Was she gonna cry? She had turned red.

“I think he is seeing someone else.”

“What?????”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Why???”

“I have some doubts. I don’t want to say it out loud, because I don’t want to know that it could be true. I trust him. And I don’t even want to think that way. But then, some things which have happened have given me this doubt. And I don’t want to say it out loud.”

Wow. How am I supposed to react to this?

“You can say it out loud to me. You know that I won’t make it worse. I am his friend too. And I kinda know what’s going on in his life too.”

“I know. But how will I? I trust him.”

“Girl, you broke up with him because of this reason too. Now does it even matter? Unless you wanna go back?”

“Oh no, I don’t!! Okay, I’ll tell. See, this happened when we were together in that resort in Goa last year. You had just moved to Pune then, and I didn’t have your number. I had called you in your old number to tell this as soon as it happened, but you were switched off. I think you were shuffling both numbers back then. Remember? Later, it, kind of, slid from my memory with the help of his sweet-talk.”

“Just sweet-talk, huh?”

I winked.

“Shut up, idiot! And listen to this. When we were there, he had gone to take a shower and his phone was nearby, so I took it to play Angry Birds.”

I sighed.

“You know how much I love that game!!!!”

“Yes, continue please.”

“Okay, so while I was playing, I got a message from an unknown number asking when this sender can meet him again. It seemed fishy, so I checked out his sent box to see if he had sent messages to this number. And shockingly, he had. It was all ‘what are you doing, babe?’ ‘I am thinking of you and the good times we had, sweets’ and all. I mean, babe and sweets? Good times we had? Thinking of you?”

“Hey, he has the same ‘babe’-ing disease which you also have. I mean, he addresses me also that way. It could have been sent to me.”

“That’s what I checked first. But there were messages that were sent to you on the same day, which had your name in the ‘From’ area. All asking about how you are finding Pune and all.”

“Oh yeah, I remember now. He was totally paranoid about me having to live in Pune alone. I hate to say this, but I think he is a better friend than boyfriend. But most guys are like that only. They take their girls for granted, no need of formality and stuff, na?”

“Still you are sticking up for him only.”

Her face fell.

“No no, dearie. I don’t want you to get a wrong idea of him. Do you think I want to see him as a cheater? Or the fact that you were going out with a loser all this time? I love both of you. And nothing makes me happier than to see you both being happy and content with each other.”

“I love you too and I got you. But this is not just an accusation. I waited until he was out from the shower, and told him that there was a message in his phone while I was playing and that I read the message. His face went red and he asked me whether he can have at least some privacy in his life. I said that it was a mistake and that I didn’t read it on purpose. Anyway, since I was cool with the whole thing, he too didn’t act up much.”

“Did you find out who it was from?”

“Never. I checked out his phone again after he replied to her. He had told her that he will try and meet her more.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

We got up to wash our hands and went one by one to keep an eye on our stuff. As we waited for the cheque, she continued the story.

“But why didn’t he save her number?”

“That’s the reason why it felt fishy in the first place. When I saw that he had sent a lot of messages to this number, and still hadn’t saved it, it didn’t feel okay.”

“Hmm. Maybe he saved it twice under different names or something? That way also, the number does not appear, right?”

“Yeah, unless that feature varies from phone to phone.”

“True.”

The cheque arrived, and we paid, picked up our bags, and got out.

——————————————————————–

“And the way he behaves to me has gone from bad to worse. I am sure that he has some other person in his mind. And even if I am wrong, I don’t want to go back to him. But now that I am out of the relationship, you know what I am gonna do? I am gonna find out who this girl is and what was going on between them. I wrote down her number from his phone.”

“That’s a nice plan. Tell me again why you are doing it?”

“Coz I wanna know! Just to put me out of my misery. I don’t want to hear it from him, so I didn’t ask him.”

“Great plan. Why don’t you do it right now?”

“Not now. Not from my number. I don’t want him to know it until I’ve got all the info I need.”

“Do you want to use my Pune number?”

“Doesn’t he know that?”

“Yeah, he does. But he rarely calls me in that number. By the way, when are YOU gonna start calling me in my Pune number. It’s been a year, and you know how much money you both cost me by calling in the local one?”

“You know why I love that number. We took our cards together and its the same number except for the last digit. I feel a lot closer physically to you when I dial it. Even the extra zero bugs me.”

Wow. She does care a lot about her loved ones, and she does weird things with her feelings too. I wish he’d know sooner what he is missing and would come back for her. I wish I could talk some sense into his mind. Indiscretions are the villains in any relationship. But I wish everything become alright soon.

“And to tell you the truth, I didn’t even store your Pune number.”

“That’s too much. Draw a line where you are now and store my number. Sooner or later, you’ll be in Pune too. And we’ll get another number together, with a difference of just one digit.”

We laughed together. It was around 4:30 in the evening. We thought about going back to my home for tea.

——————————————————————–

“I’ll call him and talk to him.”

I was behind the wheels and discussing sensitive issues.

“Is that necessary?”

“He knows that you come to me when there’s any problem, na?”

“Yeah, but don’t make it like I asked you to do it.”

“You didn’t. For a good reason. SO why would I?”

“Coz you want us to be together.”

“So can I?”

“NO!!!!!!!!”

I laughed.

——————————————————————–

“Hey you are calling me only now?”

“You are always busy.”

“Not for you, babe.”

“Don’t come up with the sweet-talk. I heard that you are good at it.”

“What sweet-talk?”

She was listening to the conversation too. What seemed natural before had become uncomfortable.

“These things which you say, and don’t mean.”

“Okay where do you wanna meet? Gimme fifteen minutes to reach there.”

“No, idiot. I wanna talk to you now. So save those fifteen minutes and invest it now in this conversation.”

“Wow. You sound different.”

“I met her. And she talked to me.”

*silence*

“Hello?”

“I’m here.”

“What happened?”

“I can’t help being busy most of the time, can I?”

“Listen to yourself and answer that for me.”

“I know I’ve been a jerk of a boyfriend. So I guess this is a good change. For both of us.”

“What?? Are you serious? You are talking like you *made* her dump you.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. I know she has been really unhappy. And I can’t do anything to make her happy. Just to be the cause of someone’s sadness, and not being able to do anything about it sucks. I hope she finds happiness away from me.”

I looked at her. She was angry, and sad. She was grinding her teeth, but tears were there in her eyes as well. I had to speak for her.

“You sound like you already did.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You tell me.”

“Shall we talk later?”

“Sure, busy man.”

“This is much more serious than I thought. And not just friends catching up. That’s why. I am sorry. I’ll call you for sure after some time.”

I kept my phone down and looked at her.

“Why did you mention that?”

“I had to, dear. I didn’t like him talking like that. It made me think like he really *was* having an affair.”

“You do?”

“I don’t know, sweety. I will find out tonight. And if he was, neither do I want to talk to him after this. Not just because he cheated on my best friend, but also because he will not be the person who used to be my other best friend.”

“And I will find out who the other girl is.”

“Yeah, you do that. God, this day is turning out to be so bad. Are you gonna be okay? Do you want to stay over?”

“No dear, I am fine. If he was cheating on me, which I think is true, I am more than happy that I got to dump him. And I don’t have any regrets about anything, except for not inducing any physical pain or damage to him. It’s not bigger than losing Pappu or anything. I just lost the company of a jerk. Good riddance! I’ll be fine, babe.”

I hugged her.

“Take care, Keerthy.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more.”

Once she left, I started thinking about the whole thing. What did he mean by all that? When is he going to call? I was fretting enough about this for the both of us, while she had found her peace, or so it seemed. I knew her for more than two decades now, and him for about 7-8 years. They met through me. I helped them through the initial stages of their relationship. It grew right before me. But how did I miss this part? How could he talk to both of us while his conscience was not clear? When this hits the fan, he’s going to lose his girlfriend as well as his best friend. Does he realize that? Or is he going to lie to me as well? Am I still his best friend, by the way?

Dinner was served, and I barely ate anything. I called her up and asked her whether she had dinner.

“Yeah, I did. Not much though. Just enough to give me the energy I’d want to go through the calling_her_up part.”

“He didn’t call yet. Anyway, you go ahead and make the call. And let me know how it goes.”

“Sure, babe. Bye-ee (musical).”

“Bye.”

At about 11 pm, my mobile’s screen said ‘Tinku Calling’.

I thought for a second about what to say.

“You finish your work only this late every day?”

“I don’t finish my work any day. I just took an off tonight.”

“Wow. That busy?”

“Pretty much.”

“Isn’t it too much? Haven’t you had enough of the consequences? What’s your life like, now?”

“You seem to know something about my life. I wanna know what it is.”

“Nope. I want you to tell me.”

“Tell you what, exactly?”

“I don’t know. Your indiscretion, perhaps?”

“She told you that?”

“She told, and you are proving her right.”

“What do you think?”

“Stop asking me questions, Amal. And answer mine.”

“Amal? Not Tinku?”

“If that’ll help you understand that I am serious.”

“Alright. Okay. You wanna know? I’ll tell you. I do have an indiscretion. I am falling for another girl now.”

“What the heck? Are you actually telling me this? Falling for?? Why didn’t you talk about this to me earlier? I would have definitely done something to help you. Why didn’t you tell me? Am I not your best friend??”

“You are. And I was scared to tell you. Ashamed and confused, too. I still am all that. And frankly, I never even planned until now to tell you. But I wanted to tell her. She found out on her own, I guess.”

“Yeah, she did. About a year ago. And still went on thinking that you’d come back.”

“A year ago?”

“Yes. When you both were in that resort in Goa. You got a message from some unknown number, to which you had sent messages even before, and had replied to, later.”

“Oh God. I remember that incident. I thought she didn’t think much of it.”

“She was your girlfriend back then, for crying out loud! She would definitely think A LOT about it!!”

“I didn’t save her number because her name makes me crazy. I did that because I thought it was just an infatuation that would go off eventually.”

“And you couldn’t come to me with it.”

“I told you. You would have judged me.”

“Judged you, huh? Well this is just great. Do you even know me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Are you drunk? Or have you lost your mind entirely??”

“Piya, I was falling for YOU. That’s why I couldn’t come to you.”

Many things flashed through my mind. Like, how she didn’t know my Pune number till today, how she mentioned the words ‘babe’ and ‘sweets’ in his messages, how he always used to message me during my first few months in Pune.. I was frozen. Could this day get any more worse?

Just then, I heard my other mobile ringing. It was my Pune number. I looked at the screen. It showed, ‘Kee Calling’.

“Fuck.”

[This story is purely a child of my imagination. Resemblances to people, DOA, are uncanny.]

I don’t remember why I was living a sad life. Right from the first day that I can trace back to, I’ve been a person who have always been thinking about ways to jazz up my sad old life. I have tried a lot and cried a lot too. It is probably because I let small things affect my life. Tired of being unwanted all the time, I decided to run away. And I did. I came to this place, got a job, got a place to live in, and has been, sort of, surviving life’s cruelty day after day. I was alone. I became a loner. And I don’t know whether anyone I know ever tried to reach me. They must have. They ‘needed’ a few things from me, so I think they might have. It just disgusts me how relationships started becoming so meaningless and materialistic. What happened to loyalty all of a sudden? How come there are so many relationships that are only seemingly strong and genuine? These questions never ceased to drill through my mind every night. There came a day when I didn’t cry pondering over these questions. And I haven’t, ever since that day. But those questions still continue to scavenge my idle time whenever it can.

The day came when he came into the city, purposefully, for finding me. He made a few enquiries(probably rung up at my home and convinced my parents into bringing me back, which should have been easy!) and found the place, the room, the shack sort of thing, that I’m living in. He was looking at my shelter on the terrace in horror and disbelief and then at me with relief because I had survived all this without getting into any harm. The crude single-roomed shelter on the terrace had a bed, a small table, a chair and a cupboard. There was hardly any space to move about with all this taking up all the space. I had a small stove, a bathroom and a bench outside my room, on the terrace. All this was enough for me. I still don’t know from where I gathered up the courage to live alone in a place like this! The ground floor was occupied by a family and they had a dog, a rottweiler named Becky, which was probably the reason why I didn’t find it so scary to live there alone. Becky comes up sometimes for a treat or for simply lying down beside my feet. The family downstairs is a quiet one, a married couple, just married I guess, and the guy’s parents. I was occasionally invited for dinner downstairs, and sometimes sent up food.

Unable to believe the way that my life had transformed, he stood there, gazing at me. And I pinched myself for the third time to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming. No, I wasn’t. It hurt a bit, my hand, that is. I hadn’t expected this. I wasn’t prepared to confront him or his questions, if there’ll be any. I didn’t know whether I should have gone and hugged him and I didn’t know whether I was allowed to do that. But anything would have been better than the awkward silence that had spread around us. Breaking it, he said, “Hey….”. ‘Hey’?? How do I respond to ‘hey’? “Hi”, I said, moving my fingers to feebly imitate a wave. “Do you mind if I stay with you tonight?” he asked. Does it matter if I say ‘no’? How would he react if I say ‘no’? Did I want to say ‘no’? No!! Then why am I asking these questions to myself! I said, “No.. No.. Not..Not at all…(shaking my head) umm.. The..The thing is.. You’ll.. have to sleep outside.. I have only… one bed.. And.. But I’ve got extra sheets.. And.. umm.. So if you don’t mind that… then…” “Nope. That’s ok with me. Thanks a lot”, he said and smiled at me. I smiled back, a faint one though.

I thanked the family downstairs for sending that sumptuous meal to me, seeing that I have a friend too, probably because they had seen me spent half a year without bringing back any guys(or even girls) with me. While having dinner, he asked me why I chose to live here instead of staying in some good hostel or as a paying guest somewhere. For this, I had an answer. I simply wanted to be not ‘disturbed’ by people, not be dependent on people, not be influenced by people and not to rely on people. Not even the family living downstairs. They do not expect anything back from me when they invite me for dinner, except, I don’t wanna say ‘the pleasure’ of my company, but maybe just my company! Night had set in. We washed our plates in the small sink beside the stove, where the small CFL lamp threw a decent amount of light on the “kitchen” area and the door to my room. He asked me several other questions regarding my job, my mode of transport, my current hobbies, friends, etc etc.. I didn’t know what he was up to either, so I asked him to fill me in too. His eyes gleamed like I had asked him the much expected question! When he started telling me about how he traced me, I listened to it with a smile inside me!

“It is a very starry night”, he said, rolling out the mat which the girl from downstairs had given. I was sitting on the parapet wall, gazing at the sky. “I don’t sleep inside all days. It’s much better to sleep outside. Becky will guard me too!”, I grinned on the last line, thinking why I hadn’t seen Becky all evening. “Who is Becky?”, he asked. “Their dog, a rottweiler, a real sweet-heart!”, I said, pointing downstairs, “It’s a bit cold, isn’t it? Are you gonna be ok out here all night?”. “Actually, no”, he said. Huh?? What? But there’s only… “I feel like talking to you. Can you do that?”, he asked. Glad that I didn’t ask it out loud, I said, “hmm.. Ok.. I would have spent this night out anyway I guess”. “Then grab a sheet, coz you’re gonna be cold”, he said, covering his feet. I smiled as I walked inside, since he always wanted his feet to be covered more than any other part of his body when he’s cold!

I lay there on the terrace with the starry sky above me. And he lay just beside me. We both were looking at the stars, though quite visibly, neither of us were aware of anything else around us, other than ourselves. He avoided looking at me, while I was constantly checking his face for a smile or any other sign that he’s thinking about me. But somehow, I didn’t need that to realize that he, in fact, is! We were talking for the last two hours, about common friends, about places that changed in our hometown, about cousins who got married, about everything.. except us. I didn’t ask him why he came. I didn’t ask him whether he intended to take back anything with him. And now, I am a bit confused. All that confusion when I had him, it’s coming back to me! Did he come all this way to talk for two hours under a starry sky?

I calmed myself down saying what I’ve been saying to myself everyday for 6 months. To never expect anything from anyone. To stay happy and calm. To not be dependent on people. To not be influenced by people. To not to rely on people. The sky looked awesome! I remembered a scene from ‘Wall-E’!

I wasn’t looking at him anymore, or thinking about him. Neither was my heart beating so hard. Just then, I remembered! And just then I felt his breath. And saw his eyes looking into mine. Yes, there he is, as I thought! With the same old “You think I let you down?” expression on his face! The same old person I craved for! The same old person who loved me like no one could. Always making my heart skip a beat and then sweeping me off my feet! And while his lips met mine, I delved deep into that familiar sea of happiness.

The numbness didn’t keep me from smiling at her. As she smiled back, I noticed that her eyes were not as wide as mine. Neither was she drunk with awe like me. She seemed composed, even when I was sitting right next to her. But I was getting the greatest adrenalin rush than any that I had gotten in the last one year, or all of them combined. It was probably like saving all the seats in that goddamn metro train before anyone sits on any of them. I tried to see whether she was looking at me. She wasn’t. She was looking down. There is nothing more emotionally hurting than a break up that didn’t go well, especially when you were the only one who didn’t want it. I asked her how she was. She was pressing buttons on her PDA, and her answer was nothing more than a casual facial expression and shoulder-shrug that conveyed “What can I say..”. I told her that I moved here an year ago, and that I’ve been taking this train everyday to my office and back. I also said that I’ve never chanced upon anyone I knew, although I had been living here for an year. Well that wouldn’t have actually happened if I hadn’t left it to chance to meet them. I was shut off from all sorts of communication with my friends. I talk to my family, not often though. I don’t have friends at the office. I kept myself aloof from the mingling. I said that the weather over here is very nice, and that I’ve started to really like it here. I mentioned my favorite restaurant and the place I go to buy groceries from. I mentioned the places in the city which I thought were simply beautiful. I glanced around and said that the rush was lesser that evening, and that’s when I realized that I have to stop babbling. She didn’t respond to anything, not even a tiny twitch of a facial muscle. She kept pressing the buttons. I saw the guy who was sitting next to her. He was sleeping. How can you possibly sleep next to a girl who looks as pretty as her? And here I am, on the other side, trying to build up a conversation with the only girl I’ve ever loved, and who at some point of time, did love me too. I told her that it has not been the same since we broke up, that the break-up made a major change in my lifestyle. I told her that she looked really good that day. Then, I told her that I’ve missed her.

Approximately ten minutes later, words finally stopped coming out of my mouth. And after about two minutes of silence, silence pertaining to my mouth and hers alone, I asked her whether she was never gonna reply. And she stopped pressing the buttons. She looked at me, the same way she looked at me an year ago, before walking out on me. I craved to hear her say, “I’ve missed you”. Like always, she let me down. She said, “This is my stop” and got up. For one moment, I thought she stopped pressing those buttons because of me; to answer my questions; to satisfy my cravings. To know right now whether I would have asked her if I could see her again, or whether she’s living in the same city, or any other hopeful questions, I should have needed sufficent time in between her “This is my stop” and another unexpected gesture. My mind went totally blank with that last gesture. She awakened the man who was sleeping next to her, by gently patting on his cheek. As soon as the doors slided open, both of them walked out of the train, leaving a miserable me inside, still sitting on the seat that I saved, with two empty ones next to me. She did not say goodbye, and she did not turn back to look. Now I know why he could sleep sitting next to her. She belonged to him, that’s why he can sleep so peacefully, even inside a crowded metro train. The doors slided close again.