Neways, leaving the miseries aside, let me see whether I can come up with something cheerful. Using the blog, only whenever I’m miserable, has put a sad image to the blog in my own mind! So this time, nope, I’m not gonna come up with any of that :P

The best thing that happened to me in November was getting a new haircut! My hair had been long for two long years! I made a mistake of gettin it straightened once. It didn’t seem like a mistake then, but after a year, when my naturally wavy hair grew till my neck level, and the straight hair fell from neck to waist, it began to look bad! Or so I thought. Anyway, I got it all chopped off, so it’s back to how it looked three years back :-) I love my hair now!

Oh no! Did I say that the best thing that happened to me in November was the haircut? :-| Right!!! I forgot.. I got a new scooter, a Kinetic Mahindra Sym Flyte, of which I’m a proud owner :-) There was a lot of confusion over which scooter I should be getting.. I almost bought a 150cc scooter named UFO by Global Motors, but couldn’t even give it a chance since I was too short to ride it. :-( Even if I could manage it with one leg touching on the floor, I was worried how I’ll be handling it in traffic blocks, with a pillion rider, etc etc.. If the seat had been a tad less higher than how it is now, I’d have definitely bought it. Then, my choices were Honda Activa, Mahindra Rodeo and Mahindra Flyte. Honda was out of question once we learned that it’ll take more than four months to get the scooter delivered!! :-O Rodeo and Flyte(both 125cc) were equally good, except that, Rodeo had more features like side stand beep, backlit digital meters, mobile charger, front mudguard and finally, more colors to choose from. But it’d have taken more than a month to get it delivered, and I wasn’t sure whether I could wait that long! Since performance wise, they were the same, I went for Flyte! :P Black was the best color out of the lot, since I didn’t want the matte black panel to stand out in contrast. They said that the scooter can be delivered by evening ‘only’. I was too excited to wait till evening! :P Dad suggested that we could see a movie to kill time! And I agreed. So we went to see ‘Pazhassiraja’, while my bro backed out and said that he’ll wait at the dealership in the evening.

Tragedy struck at the movie theater! The movie was around three and a half hours long!! :-O What I hoped to end by 5 o’ clock continued till 6pm… Grr… My patience was almost lost and I was jumpy, seated as if on a trampoline, with my bro calling me every 5 min after 5:30pm, like an alarm kept on ’snooze’! :P Once we reached the dealership, I filled out the necessary forms, looked at my registration number and smiled, since it came to 13 when the digits were added!! :P BTW, my Dad also smiled, since the regn. number of the first scooter he owned also came to 13!! :P Like father, like daughter!! :P And weirdly, Mom’s first vehicle and Bro’s first vehicle have numbers, whose digits when added equals 12!! :D So we are one weird family, I guess!!! hehe!! :P Anyway, I didn’t know the customs of buying new vehicle, but bro did. He had bought two lemons and Vettila(a leaf which is chewed, out of addiction most times! Also bought in during auspicious ceremonies) I kept both lemons on the leaves, one in front of each wheel. When we ride the vehicle for the first time, it’s supposed to squeeze the lemons flat and go. Don’t ask me why!! :P Popular opinion was that I wouldn’t squeeze the lemons, but both would go either way! :-| And bro kept saying that, the vehicles that he rode for the first time has never hit anyone or anything or got hit by the same. Since he has only his bike in this so called record of unhit vehicles, I didn’t really know whether it was because he was a good rider or whether it was the ‘divinity’ crap! :-| But it’s amusing how superstitious a person can be during times like this!! :D I let him do it, though I donno whether it was actually because I didn’t want to take the risk of the shame that will come upon me for not being able to squeeze the lemons like everyone said!! :D *pishk!*The lemons lay flat on the ground, and I regained control of the scooter. My first official ride on my new Flyte followed! :-)

The odometer now shows 460km, mainly because of my daily commute to my office, which is around 13km away from home. And so far, so good :-) My only problem is that I can’t go beyond 50kmph until the scooter covers at least 2000km!!! 22 days to cover 460, which means around 25 days to cover 500km. So, another two months of dragging it around, being really patient, only cursing many morons who try to corner me or make me go off-road!

So that’s about two new things that are happening in my life :-) And the post has become even more ‘long’ that I expected :D Plus, I’m really really sleepy :D :D So this is all for now, will be back later with more.. ;

I have searched all my life…

Thought many a time that I got it..

Still, life’s playing games with me and I’ve never really got it. Have I almost got it and let it go without realizing that, that was “it”? Nope, never. If I’d know, I’ll know.

What is “it”? I can’t describe what it is… It is a state of mind, probably. Have you ever been figured out completely by some person? Has someone behaved exacly the way you want someone to behave? For me, I’d like to know what it’d be like. To feel the bliss or whatever that comes out of it.

What is my problem? Well… Why is it that nobody gets me? Everybody takes me up to the crest then at some point of time, pushes me back down. I’ve never crossed over(not that way!) to see the other side. Means, they’ll do all the right things at first, and then shatters all the (mis)conceptions that you had of them!

Still, there are people who’re lucky enough to find other people who can read their minds like an open book! If I am jealous of anyone in the world, it is them! I am on a crusade to find that person(s) , whoever he/she is and I’m gonna get that “it” too, though the journey is tiresome!

P.S: I thought that I was a practical person, who lived by what my mind told me. But this proves that I’m not one, at least not all the time…

Well… My life is certainly a mess right now. Especially my career. I deviated into the area of my choice and still ended up with a job that sucks! LOL!! How in the world did I manage to do that???

My job sucks. Really.

Is it too hard to find the right job? Or atleast something that’s just not vaguely related to the field I want? Am I asking for too much here?

I send my resume to every part of the country and still do not get a single reply from anyone. I am tired, fed up and unhappy all the time.

I don’t think that I have been this unhappy for this long ever! Been five months of toil now and I feel as unsure of this job as I was on the day I joined.

Post graduation is another option for me. But I don’t know what I wanna post-graduate in, so I am giving myself some time to figure that out before making wrong choices.

I just wonder how much longer I have to put up with this before I flip out completely or get a good job! I mean, I spoke angrily to my manager the other day. Maybe I’ll get fired before I flip out! LOL!!!

Vids: yep!! good old school days!!

Vids: 8->

Friend: and college was totally different :)

Vids: i like school days better, though…

Vids: enthannariyilla… [Donno why..]

Vids: oru unity undayirunnathe pole… [Like there was some kind of a unity..]

Friend: enikku nere thiricha :D [For me, it's the opposite]

Friend: i made better friends at college :-?

Vids: hehe!! ente ippolathe close buds school pals ane!! :P [My close pals are still the ones from school!]

Vids: college-il ake oraal ane real close… baaki ellam shallow.. [I have only one close friend from college.. Rest all are shallow..]

Vids: athentha? [Why so?]

Vids: u studied there for 12 yrs rt?

Friend: no no….5 years in one class, next year in another, next 2 in another

Vids: eh??

Vids: vere school? [another school?]

Friend: +2 *name_of_school* :D

Friend: till 4 th *name_of_school* :D

Vids: hmm… so u studied longer in engg coll

Vids: mebbe that’s y

Friend: yeah kinda :)

Friend: school friends kept changing

Vids: hmm..

Vids: i studied in my school for 12 long years

Vids: :)

Vids: u can imagine the depth of friendship i had with my school pals

Friend: yep !! :)

Friend: 12 years is a loooooong time :)

Vids: more than a decade :o

Vids: wow!! i realized that only now!!!

Friend: hehe :D

Friend: yes ~! one decade of same set of friends :)

Vids: oh my god!!!

Vids: i am gonna blog about this!! :D

Friend: ;)

Friend: go ahead ;)

Vids: thanks!! :P

I realized only last night that I’ve known my close buds for over ten years!! I mean, it’s really astonishing to realize that some of the people I talk to today came into my life more than ten years back, considering I’m only 22 now! How many people have been there in my life for more than ten years? Besides parents, bro and relatives, of course.. hmm..

My neighbors.. They’ve known me for twenty one years so far, I think! My first year was spent at the rented house we had, which I have no memory of living in.. Anyway, in this neighborhood, I was the only girl; the other houses were populated with a father, mother and two sons. So I was pampered a lot, obviously, by the mommies of all these sons! I remember something funny that I used to do when I was small. Every time I bought a new dress, hair-clip, bangle or whatsoever fancy, I used to take a trip to all these houses to show it off! Thankfully, I don’t do that now!!! :D Anyway, one more female member joined us some time later; she was the eldest and most respectable one out of the lot! We were a battalion of eleven, two girls and nine guys, in which two of them were younger than me, one guy of my same age and six of them older than me. I remember all the Deepawalis, Onams, Vishus and Karthikas that were spent together. It was one hell of a bonding :-) It does feel like a two decade long relationship…

My school-van-driver.. hmm.. Not really a decade, but nine years is long enough. His name is Madhu, maybe over 55 years old when I was in tenth standard. He was not actually the driver, he was the owner. The driver was another guy. Madhu Uncle used to sit inside to take care of the kids to see that all of us behave properly inside the van! I remember only a few things about him though. He had a beard which was longer than usual; some of the hairs gone grey. His voice when raised, scared the hell out of quarreling, noisy children!! There were some kids who behaved properly all the time, at whom he never yelled. I was one of them! [I used to be a quiet girl till tenth standard] I was the first person to get into the Mahindra van named ‘Kannan Travels‘ every morning, mine being the first stop. This means I get to sit wherever I please to sit every morning! Sometimes, I used to walk to the place where the van was parked, and get inside rightaway to avoid standing and waiting at the stop. Everyday, at sharp 7:45 AM, the driver will start the van and my journey to school thus begins! For almost half an hour, Madhu Uncle will be chanting prayers and that time, only devotional songs will be played inside the van. He used to keep a couple of pictures of Hindu Gods on the dashboard, light incense, and hang a small garland of fresh jasmine flowers on the pictures. He goes to Sabarimala every year, and that’s the time all the children used to monkey around in the van, unable to be controlled by the substitute! The last time I saw him was two years back near my school. After a few minutes of chit-chatting [because he had a van full of kids to be dropped at their respective homes!], well after chit-chatting, I must have gone where I was going. I don’t remember. Anyway, I don’t know where he is now or what he is doing either. But that’s a person who I’ve talked to, almost everyday for nearly a decade!

My friends from school.. My close buddies from school, they are the ones who I still hang out with. And I can’t believe that I’ve been knowing them for ten whole years, well, actually sixteen years! I remember my first day in school. I joined a little late in first standard, only in the second term. I had a bad leg accident a few days before the class started. My bro’s friend was riding the cycle, me sitting in front, on the bar on which the cycle’s seat is fixed. My foot was caught between the cycle’s spokes. That did a lot of damage to my foot, me being a small five year old kid. It took a lot of time to heal, leaving a scar that’s visible even now! I couldn’t walk for a long time and I had to stay away from school even without attending the first official day! My first day was the first day of the second term. My class teacher, Ms. Gladys, made me sit on the second bench, out of consideration [:-|] with a girl named Rekha, whose pink plastic earrings I still remember!! I don’t know whether it was the big plastic earrings or the neatly brown-paper-bound and plastic laminated books that made me uneasy. Well, I think the primary reason was that she kept stamping my wound which had not healed yet. On complaining [I was a small kid, forgive me!], Gladys Teacher moved me to the back bench where only a girl and a boy were sitting. Gladys Teacher also asked the girl to help me catch up with my studies. So, the first girl I talked to in first standard was Minu. [I remember the boy, Thomas, who was sitting in between us! We soon chucked him out to the end of the bench, for Minu and me to sit together!] We still call each other up, hang out together, and she never forgets to wish me on my b’day! I studied for twelve years with her, and then two more years at college. She became my senior in college as I joined a year late! She was the only familiar face for a while, until I made some new friends from my batch. Was that history repeating or something? :P Another great friend who I met in school is Maria, one of my best friends, who gives me advices that actually work! The good thing about such a long friendship is that, even if we don’t call each other up frequently [maybe only thrice a month or even less], every time that ‘hello’ is heard over the phone, I feel a certain comfort and warmth, and never feel that we’ve not talked for that long! I find my true comfort level only with a few people, and these great ones I found in school are some of them. Everyone from my batch, during the learning phase of our lives must have built up a common wavelength or something, which got only better with time and that too, a whopping twelve years! When I talk to Maria or any of the others, I do not feel that we were talking everyday for over a decade, and kept talking with the same fervor even after school. I feel like I’ve known them ever since the day I was born! If all the talking were represented by a line, I would neither see the beginning of it, since time has effaced it as it grew, nor the end, since we are never gonna fall away! I’m not gonna say how many times that line would circle the earth, since that line’s tacky(-ier.. hehe!)!!

I had to sit with this blog entry for a long time. I intented only to mention the astonishingly interesting discovery and realization of a decade of friendship. I never thought that it would turn out to be a probe into my life instead! I had to clear out a lot that I wrote, since it was just too many details! I’ve said what I needed to say. Gonna keep the rest to myself! ;-)

62 posts in four years say that I don’t blog AT ALL?

No way!!

I have no idea why I started blogging. None why I keep blogging either.

Most people I know, keep updating their blog everyday, and that does make me feel a little uneasy.

Really.

The ones who used to read my blog has started forgetting about it now.

Can’t blame them either.

How can I sustain their interest if I take so much time to update my blog?

Anyways, none of this will make me write more than what I do now!

A time will come when nobody reads my blog.

Even then, I wouldn’t have any idea why I started blogging.

Let my blog be forgotten

Let my words not be read

Let my thoughts never be expressed

And let me never exist

HCOOH however found it’s way into my mind.. I forgot the name of this acid, though.. I was trying to figure out it’s structure.. I knew that Carbon had 4 valence electrons, Hydrogen had 1 and Oxygen had 2.. Even if I assigned a hydrogen, oxygen and hydroxyl to the carbon atom, it still had one more place left, and so did oxygen :-( That’s when double bond hit me! Oxygen and carbon shares a double bond, problem solved!! I didn’t know whether I was right though, coz it’s been a long time since I’ve said the words, ‘carbon’, ‘hydrogen’ or ‘oxygen’ and even more time since I’ve used ‘carboxyl’, ‘valence electron’, ‘hydroxyl’ and ‘double bond’ in a sentence!! hehe!!

Anyway, I got interested about organic chemistry suddenly. I searched for my old textbooks from school. I got hold of the K.L.Chugh ISC Chemistry textbook, which I seriously used as a pillow one night before the model exam. It’s three and a half inches thick, everything that had to be known written in boring small letters, making it seem unworthy of spending time with!! Anyways, this book seems pretty interesting now! I flipped through the pages that were once Greek and Latin to me, which reminded me of the bad days I had to spend with this book, trying to understand it, trying to like it. I put in a lot of effort into it, to make the relationship work. But some are just too difficult to put up with. I spent days and nights listening to what it has got to say to me. Some things were pretty boring that I fell asleep in between. I know that’s not how relationships work. But I got tired, because it was an endless ramble of things that I could never picture, or relate to.. Our relationship ended forever, the day after the Chemistry Board Examination! And I can’t say how relieved I was… :-)

Uhm.. I think I should shower less :|

Things are never going right after my college years are over. Or things were never right, but I was just too busy to notice that.. Whatever, I’m having a lot of free time, and I just can’t stop thinking about the disaster that my life is.. Maybe years later, I might read this blog entry and just have a good laugh, with my life running too smoothly and all.. Well that’s how I dream it.. But what if it keeps getting worser and worser? hmm.. I always believe that tomorrow’s gonna be a better day.. I learn from the mistakes that I made today, hoping to never make them again, and like someone said, just make new mistakes to learn from! It’s like metamorphosis, isn’t it?

Doing things to divert attention helps.. Like I read two Chetan Bhagat novels at one go.. ‘Five Point Someone’ was pretty good, but ‘Three Mistakes of My Life’ was a complete mistake in my opinion.. I think I’ll agree to Kris’s theory, that the first one was out of pure creativity and imagination, the second one, ‘One Night @ A Call-Center’, written in-order to meet the deal with Rupa and Co., missing a bit of both [so I've heard, never read it, though I want to] and the third one, ultimately running out of both, having to surrender and write someone else’s story in an ‘un-ChetanBhagat’ point of view! I’ve also started reading Malayalam novels, thanks to my Dad’s great collection of mind-blowing works! Reading surely helps a lot than anything else… Like listening to music, for instance.. Some songs bring back memories, both good and bad ones, and some songs have pretty irritating lyrics which is like reading your own sad biography!

There are some more things that scare the living crap out of me.. Especially, the word ‘future’. Till now, when I wanted to do something for my future, I studied in school, then college, then dropped out and then again in college.. The dropping out was a major turning point of my life, cos it has taken me to places I suppose I’d have never gone to, if I had continued my engineering studies. And maybe I wouldn’t have been jobless now, who knows!! Or maybe I’ve been saved from a list of supplementary exams that I might’ve had to take! hehe!! I’m not looking back with regret, hell no!! I’m not sorry at all… My short-term goals are over, and it’s pretty confusing to think ‘What’s next?’ and difficult to get the clue to find the next stepping stone to success..

Even if I find everything I need, emerge out successful at the end of some day, I know I’ll still be waking up sad the next day, since I don’t have a solution to any of my problems.. Talking helps, and everybody loves giving advices, but I’ve stopped taking advices and trying them in my life. It has never worked so far. And now I’ve realized that there is no ultimate solution to all problems; everybody has to figure out what’s wrong and what can be done in his/her own damn life. Part of the metamorphosis, I believe.. But talking certainly takes away some pressure.

Well, I pray everyday to God to make my life easier, but the prayers aren’t working too. I didn’t lose my faith or anything, but I started doubting whether prayers are gonna work at all.. But out of the blue, Zee Studio made a huge fuss about the movie ‘Bruce Almighty’ which they showed on 19th July. Well I’ve seen that movie before; it’s a good one so I felt like I should not miss it. 19th is a very special date to me since it’s my birthday on 19th Aug, and that made the movie much more special! Well, I don’t have to say much more, that was like a sign, I’d forgotten why Bruce was made God in the movie, so this movie just refreshed my memory and my senses too! Therefore, praying is still my refuge, since I’m jobless and have no money to go shopping! ;-)

If I’ve sustained your interest so far, I guess I should stop this endless ramble, while you still have it!! Adieu.

Why? Because, people in India are bought up that way.. Simple! We Indians have great respect for our parents.. Especially moms.. [who carried us painfully for 9 months..] I’ve heard from a friend of mine, who’s grandma who dared to say this cliched pregnancy-debt fact to her son, was taken aback when he asked her to jump into a sack, so that he can carry her around for 9 months, by which this debt-talk can be avoided forever…

Dare I say that parents in India are self-centered.. to have bought up their kids as loyal servants who carry out duties that have been set forth by their parents, living life the way parents want them to live.. Of course, it’s always the most practical way to live life… But not always how the insignificant “you” wanna do it…

I’ve had this talk with my friends a lot of times… The plot was, they meet the love of their life.. Indulges in a three year long meaningful relationship.. by which time, they can see each other as a married couple.. But things don’t go their way at home.. Parents don’t want them to marry that person, because of their cast/religion/blah-blah..

What will they do?

Try to make themselves and their parents understand that ‘this is the love of my life, the person who I’ve known like Einstein knew physics, who’s like an open book to me, who’s moodswings I know about, who’s silence does not need an explanation, who I can always live with, and most importantly, who I cannot live without..’

Or will they take a decision to forget all that, instead, think about ‘not letting our parents down after they’ve taken care of us so far, providing us shelter, feeding us, taking care of us, paying our school fees, college fees, current bill, water bill, mobile bill and all other monetary involvements taken care of, again that 9-months debt, shoot them into the higher social strata of our society by marrying a smaller version of Anil Ambani[no Reliance, only the bank balance], or at least remain in the same stratum by not marrying a bus conductor [or kili!! :-D], how we don’t want our own kids to behave this way later [Too late! Indian parenting traits have been successfully acquired and uploaded!!], how parents are always right and wants the best for us [which is true, but regarding truth, sadly, for each, his own..], etc etc”?

Which way will they go?

Most of them are willing to take the second option, that is to forget everything, and obey their parents.. [These are the ones who believe that ultimate love only means supreme sacrifice.. Their 'happily ever after' is pretty simple..]

And there were some who said that they won’t marry either ones, they’ll just “diplomatically” stay single forever [I failed to see the diplomacy really.. They're pretty much hurting their parents either way. These are saddists who don't want anybody to be happy, not even themselves..]

A few of them replied that it’s the responsibility of parents all over the world to do whatever that has been discussed in option number 2.. They said that when they are gonna have kids of their own, they are never gonna raise them inside this bubble of ambitions and dreams, which never has place for the kid’s own, or expecting favors in return for raising them and for fulfilling their basic needs. These are the ones who said that love is the essence of life, which is beyond all crap [classifications based on religion, caste and all that]… Its like, “I’ll never let go of you, come what may…”

But, this is not what I wanted to talk about! There is another group of people, who take both options into consideration, who wanna fall in love, who have acquired the Indian traits successfully, believe that parents expecting their off-springs to not let them down is perfectly alright [and its the second birth-right after 'Swaraj'..] They are the ones who really know a thing or two about diplomacy!

For example.. A middle class Hindu Nair boy, an engineering student, will search for a Hindu Nair girl doing some degree [mostly irrelevant] and fall in love with her.. She, on finding out that he’s an engg student [means food on the table 3 times a day in future], as well as a Hindu Nair [which means, Mom n Dad are gonna be so happy and proud about me!] will start reciprocating his love!!! Likewise, a Roman Catholic Boy will fall in love with a Roman Catholic Girl only.. If a colleague who they talked to a lot yesterday, or meets at the ATM regularly, who they are interested in, turns out to be from a different community [for cryin out loud], they’ll never feel the same way about him/her again… Because, one of the many unique Indian traits they have successfully acquired is to be a walking marriage bureau themselves!! ;-) And if the colleague in question is indeed from the same community, ‘love happens’!! And when they get married one day, they’ll say that it was an arranged love marriage.. But thats not right, it was an arranged marriage alone.. Maybe an arranged arranged marriage.. The walking marriage bureau that you are, arranged it once, your parents arranged it again..

So wasn’t I atleast somewhat right when I said in the beginning that 98% of marriages in India are arranged? ;))

Source of inspiration : ‘For Matrimonial Purposes’ by Kavita Daswani.. I hope nobody gets a wrong idea about the book because of this fragment of insanity!!!

a) I require and I am supposed to require something better and deserving, something that is able to fill all the voids that have been created in my life.. All my life, I had been praying to God to bless me with such a fate.. But as I’m still doing it, I know that God has granted only half of what I had prayed for, the half which is a little better than what I had before…

b) The fate that shadows my life, am I really worth it? Did I make a wrong decision? This life does not seem to fit me in. Though I believe in fate, sometimes I feel that it is me who made the wrong decision when God offered me the perfect fate.. I went for something that does not befit my lifestyle and my moods[and mood-swings!] I sometimes take pride in taking that bold choice, but it does not always bring me happiness; It does not bring everything that I wanted.. I remember the tears that I have shed praying to get it.. I remember the momentary happiness that I felt, thinking that I finally got it.. And here I am, crying again realizing the truth that I never had it, and never will…..

Epilogue

This fate, was never mine.. I acquired it, trading what’s really mine for someone else’s, without their knowledge.. The possiblity that my real fate could have bought me the happiness that I craved for; it looks down on me, and I don’t have a place to hide from it’s sorrowful eyes, and I cannot endure the brutal embrace of the shame that it has bought on me… This life’s not mine, and I’m never your’s, and never have I been completely your’s, quite contrary to what, sometimes, you and I might’ve felt.. I’m probably trying to be as good as the rightful owner of this fate, cheating both you and me.. I can see that you’re happy, but not as happy as you could have been with the original. My malicious act has bought pain to you as well[though I never wished to see you suffer], and that is the second reason why I wonder whether I deserved such a fate..

I’m sorry my dear, I’m sorry I did this to you… As long as you don’t realize the truth, I can put on.. But one day, I will confess it to you.. You must be strong, coz one day, I will….

Note : I’m neither talking to/about a person nor any inanimate object! These are just fragments of my insanity!

Towards the end of the year, I got a lot of friends, the ones who I have been keeping at bay, for some unknown reason.. I had gotten tired of coming online for a while, and that’s why I think I could talk only little or none to them.. During the break-up with my boyfriend, I had nothing to do to keep me busy, so I was online all the time. I started talkin to many of my friends from orkut who I had added once, but never really got to know.. It is always nice to have wonderful friends, and the effort that is put into staying in touch with them really pays off… :-) I have really known this year the value of friends, and how much they can change one’s life… I have changed a lot; I have become a better person this year!! I think that was my New Year resolution for 2007!!! :-P

On 31st December, I wasn’t out there partyin or having any kind of fun, I was doing my assignment!!! I had solemnly promised to myself that I will finish all my pending work before 2008, and I am very happy to say that I did finish them all.. There’s a video in my mobile-phone in which I am cutting the New Year cake holding a painting brush in my other hand!! The beginning of the year was pretty normal [read boring] and so far it has remained the same… At college, we’re in an assignment frenzy, keeping all of them together, re-doing them, for internal marks evaluation purposes.. We have already started doing the ‘final collection’ works, like selecting the theme, discussions about it, and drawing inspirations from them… I haven’t thought of a theme yet… My mind is not clear to delve deep into the subject… Last year, Ansar Sir did it systematically by making the students meditate and having long discussions with them.. This year, the saddest part is that Ansar Sir is not there.. Our effing college had problems with him and vice versa, so he resigned.. But there’s one thing.. His skills are unmatched.. We do not have such talent amongst our existing faculty.. :-( Anyways, lets see what happens by the end of this month.. I should be having a fine theme by then…

Btw, blogging is becoming even more difficult now.. Unless I get a computer of my own, I will never be able to blog like before.. I can’t believe that it has been 4 months since my last post.. I simply cannot do this while people are around me.. Right now bro has gone out somewhere and mom is sleeping downstairs, which gave me a good window to make this entry..! Some friends have been asking me why I haven’t updated my blog.. I have been telling them that it is because I am out of material, but that is not true… I have a text file in my computer in which I have more than three unfinished entries, interrupted during its making, probably by my brother! All of them were written in different moods [very sad ones], and I haven’t been able to achieve them again.. Things appear different when you look at them once with despair, and later with relief!! Maybe that’s why when I read them now, I feel stupid! I never read my own entries after I’ve posted them!!! :-P

Uh..oh… I think I can hear bro’s bike’s sound.. Before this becomes another of my unfinished entries, lemme post it….!!

Adios!