Suddenly, I am thinking about those times in my life which have been engraved into my mind. Times I spent with my best friends. I don’t know how many best friends I have. Only a few people know me and like/love me quite well, for who I really am. And Fate plays it’s harsh games with me by taking away those people from me to great distances, or putting me in positions where we don’t talk to each other anymore. I have a previous post in this blog, called ‘The Search’, where I had mentioned the need for a close friend. And to be true, I did get that one. At many points of life, as different people. Noone could stay because of Fate and it’s cruel little games. And of all the people who’ve left, I miss a special one the most. The one who I never thought would leave. The one who had the most wonderful insight into life, my life. I still don’t know why we had to fight and part ways, or whether it was a deliberate and pre-planned thing, or whether it was my natural instinct to fight all who those who tried to come closer to me, a talent which I had acquired to protect myself from the painful clutches of fleeting human-relationships.
Yes, I do try and not let people affect me. I used to be super-friendly and all, but after a few lessons which I learned the hard way, I found myself encapsulated in a very small world, away from all the hype that which people call ‘Social Networking’, which I could understand only as a way to acquaint with someone on a higher social stata by patronizing them. But then, not being able to bear the monotony of it all, which had started taunting me, I came back. It was also an escape from reality, comparing to which, the severity of the patronizing et all where so much more lesser. Maybe there’s a side of everyone which you shouldn’t come to know in order to like them.
I don’t know whether I’ll have those moments again. Or whether my aloofness has gone from bad to worse with the recent voidness that has engulfed me. People think that my life is all planned out. Personally, I think these are the people who have no clue about anything that’s going on in my life or doesn’t actually give a damn about it. Those who know me.. well, and those who knew me, only they see the gazillion question marks in my life. And that is the reason why time spent with them becomes the best time of my life. Because I don’t have to cheat on myself or pretend that I have no uncertainties in life, while I am worrying myself to death deep inside.
Uncertainty… I love that word.