I’ve been a bit of a loner of late. I’ve been all on my own, thinking of the things that are right or wrong in my life, what I could to be make things right, and what I can do to not make things go wrong… I don’t know whether it’s about being so much away from friends, or whether it’s just who I’ve always been underneath. Whatever it is, it’s kind of growing on me, and I’m slowly becoming this socially detached person. I stopped using Facebook, Gtalk, etc etc and continued that for a month, until I realized the fact that I’m getting more and more secluded day by day. Even though I’ve resumed all that, I’ve not come back completely. Part of me wants to go back to the world where there’s no notification tones or messages! Part of me wants to go back to the world where I stayed up till 2AM talking with my closest friends in conference calls.
There’s only one reason that I can think of, as to why I am so sad and moody all the time.
First of all, I think I made a terrible mistake by joining this course in NIFT. At first, it was the NIFT name that kept me going. But now, I’m getting a little more clarity and has started realizing that this is not what I actually wanted. When I joined for Fashion Technology for graduation after dropping out of engineering college, I gave up a prospective better paying job in order to follow my heart. But when I joined for this course now, I stopped this teaching job that, though paid less, was something I was passionate about. I wanted a better paying job this time. I used to hate merchandising and similar fields of work, and wanted to stay in designing itself. But the other one had more chances of employment and pay, hence I made up my mind to pursue it. I don’t know when money became a part of my dreams. And this does not make me happy. This tunnel that I’m in, is starting to look like the same tunnel that I was in during my engineering days! The only difference is that, engineering was imposed on me, whereas this was my own wish! I cannot complain.. I’m still looking for the light at the end, hoping that I won’t be run down by a train!