I wasn’t awake. But I wasn’t asleep either. I was trying to sleep.. but I couldn’t get myself into a sound sleep.. I woke up every now and then, becoz something kept troubling me. Disturbing thoughts? Oh! that would have been much better than those scary, ear-breaking bolts of thunder and the blinding lightning.. I almost thought that this awful deafening noise was that of my house collapsing, unable to withstand anymore of the nature’s rage.. Somehow the powercut too had a nasty effect on my hard-earned sleep, and I began seeing nightmares… First, I saw a snake slithering through my bedroom, and I woke up with a start! I took the torch and began shining it to every nook and corner of the room, err.. except, under the bed… Scary monsters dwelled there, and my bro was not at home that day, so he surely didn’t check under it for me!! What rubbish! I didnt want to look under the bed for the fear of finding something unpleasant underneath.. So for almost an hour, I sat there with the torch (britelite!!) shining and held in my hand… I was becoming sleepy by the second and eventually, I couldn’t hold on much longer.. So I told the snake(??) to go to hell and laid down once again, carefully tucking every inch of me inside the blanket, and with a slight doubt whether snakes can bite through cloth. But I was too sleepy to bother, and so it didn’t take me much time to fall asleep again.

It was time for the second dream.. I saw X.. what the? I saw X???? X was the last person I thought I’d dream of.. But anyways, X stood there.. and even my sub-conscious didn’t care to think what X was doing.. I think X was jus standing there.. hmm.. I dunno… Anyways, X was there, in front of a hooded figure.. But wait a min, that hooded figure, was that ME? Yeah, it was.. I stood there, hooded and wearing a long coat-like-thing, watching X.. And suddenly, 72 muscles of mine started to contract, yeah, obviously, I was angry… I wanted to rip X’s heart out, but this was a dream, and sub-conscious was in control, so I saw myself putting my hand into one pocket of my long coat and then pulling out a stick. As I pointed it to X, I realized that it was a wand!! I pointed it to X and mumbled, ‘Avada Kedavra..’ and then a green light filled the… the.. the place that we were standing, and seconds later, even before lifeless X dropped to the ground, I woke up again, saying to myself, ‘Too much Harry Potter’… I prepared to sleep again, thinking for a fraction of a minute about the dream, and thats all that I can remember.. I slept again, don’t know when, and don’t know whether I dreamt again….

Why does this happen to me everytime? In TIME, I joined late, and lack of good friendship added to its hideousness. Fortunately and unfortunately, I was rescued from there three months later to join Marian Engg College. In Marian, I missed the first day due to admission procedures, and therefore, the next day, I was stared upon like a celebrity! I must say, I love attention, but these thirty blank faces were freaking out my senses the very first day.. And now history(??) is repeating. I may not be able to join Assumption College on 1st of June itself. I won’t get my TC from Marian immediately, they are saying that I might have to pay the complete four years fees inorder to get it issued. My God! I wouldn’t ever leave if I have to pay the whole amount. But the Dean is helping me out.. after all, its him that matters more than the Principal in a private college.. I hope that the management shows mercy on me. Anyway, I should say, the Principal’s behaviour just astonished me.. I always thought of him as a nice person from the few encounters that I had, but now I thank God for letting me know his true cruel self. I feel pity for the students of Marian now, I really do, after having had a chance to watch the sickening and stinking bureaucracy that exists there. Earlier I think I made a comment about the college, but my disrespect for the college has reached a higher level after this chain of incidents. Its 28th and I was supposed to go today for a whole new venture.. but….

The dean is such a nice guy.. but yuck.. the principal.. what a man… I swear to God that I’m gonna kill him on the very next oppurtunity that I get…

Its been a long time since I blogged.. But not to worry.. the only development that took place in these days is that I have finished reading “Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone” and, “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban”. I have started on the fourth book, “Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire” already.. Seems like I’ve become addicted to it or something.. Coz I can’t keep the book down, unless I am feeling really really sleepy.. When he (my brother) told me that we should buy the entire collection, I thought it was a stupid idea.. But after reading three books, I have started to think so too, especially the second book, the one I enjoyed the most! I never knew that I would be so fond of this series when I started reading it (Who thought that I would read it in the first case!)

I believe that on 26th, I’d be saying a goodbye to Trivandrum, for a pretty long time… All sorts of thoughts are creeping into my mind, and not knowing whats in store for me, expecting the worst, I still grip onto my decision, not giving an ear to anything else.. anybody else… So success is essential for me in the end, this misery should be worth it… And I am positive about that.. I dunno, its sort of an intuition, or is it a strong aspiration? Either way, I have made my mind to go and get it..

Tomorrow is 23rd, which leaves me 3 days to pack my stuff.. The packing has to be done all by myself, thats one of the saddest part. I have packed a bagful of crap, therefore all the packing has to be re-done.. And how it really have to be done, I have no idea about.. But above all that, I owe a lot of people a lot o stuff. A letter, a meeting, a treat, a phone call etc, and whatever time I have isn’t enough for all these, plus I’m really confused as to how I am to go there and join all on my own. I do hope that bro will come along, but surely, he can’t afford to miss his exams. Nope I wouldn’t want that too.. I don’t want to increase the amount of anyone’s displeasure anymore. I have a plan, and I hope that it works out well. And in the meantime, I have to go to my *old* college and meet the Dean. He reminds me of Albus Dumbledore! I couldn’t help thinking that he is mental right after I told him about my situations at home. After I told him everything, he asked me whether I would like to join his Leo Club. One side of my brain begged my legs to run away as fast as I can from this mad man. But the other side wasnt sure how to react. It took me very little time to realize that this was a person who took life very positively, and did not give a damn about any sort of misery. (He would have produced one of the best Patronus if he could!!!) But I am very much fond of our dean. Why so? Well its time to sleep.. I’ll come and fill in later.. *yawn*

Saw Shrek 2, The Fast and The Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Speed 1, Speed 2 all on the same day.. How horrible… I just wish if I could kick myself off to 29th of May.. I can’t wait for my classes to start! And I think I am beginning to sound like a 7 yr old kid who is so eager for her classes to start and looking forward to show off her new rig; the new bag, umbrella, water bottle, lunch box etc..!!! But it isn’t that.. I am like an alien who is so desperate to join the mother ship. And sitting simply has begun to bore me.. So I started reading Harry Potter, which was one book that I thought I’d never read. I do not like reading about magic, and I never liked fairy tales too.. hmm.. not exactly… I like Cinderella, but just because she was going through so much misery, and if magic was the only thing that could help her, so be it… Well where was I? Oh yes, Harry Potter.. Thats totally a different world, and magic isn’t something unusual for them, its a part of their life, just like light bulbs, motors, ball-point pen etc r for us… But its too cheesy a subject as far as I’m concerned.. Well Harry Potter fans might kill me for this, but hey, its not just Harry.. Neo, Morpheus, Trinity.. all fits right in!

Well, I have no problem reading about real people of the real world. I mean, books of Archer, Puzo and similar… But after reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, I seem to have swept off my feet by someone.. Harry Potter? No.. Its her.. J. K. Rowling.. I read her biography long before I read her book, and whatever people said about her in it makes sense now. Because I read HP critically, though I enjoyed it! Her use of language is awesome, and the way she can make the readers glued to the book so intensely is absolutely remarkable.. Either it means that she’s a great writer or else, I love magic somewhere deep inside!!! Well, anyway, only three other people could do the same effect on me, first, Enid Blyton; second, Jeffrey Archer and the third is one of my best friends from school, Lakshmi V. And now adding to the list, J. K. Rowling. I haven’t read any of her other books. And if any non-magical ones r available, lemme try it out and see if there’s an opinion change!

Oh God!! What a month!!! What a start!!! Tensions and more of it coming up… One problem is almost solved.. Anyways, plenty of solutions have already been found… Like my friend said, if plan A doesn’t work, go for plan B… So far, I’ve planned upto E level I think!! I just hope that it works, coz if it doesn’t, then I’m done for… But now, things have turned out in favor of me.. Hence, I must consider myself lucky!! Maybe I’m God’s favorite kid right now!!! Why? Have I been really good? Or am I that desperate? Yeah, the latter is more like it! But I’m a person who can be fooled easily, and therefore, I must not take these positive signs seriously… Maybe two or three days later, I’ll realize that I’m back to square one. I hate square one!! Thats the saddest part, but no matter how many similar experiences I’ve had, I won’t learn.. I won’t learn that these signs mean nothing… and I won’t learn that it is utterly useless to worry about them… I’m glad that God is there with me!

And now speaking about the other problems… Well.. I think people tend to say anything when their head is on fire.. But I don’t think that the situation heated up so much, so as to set fire to anybody’s head… Maybe some people were overwhelmed about it… not me… But if the same luck continues in my life, maybe everything will turn out fine… But what I call “fine” are things that’re fine only to my eyes, isn’t it? Am I being foolish? When am I being more foolish? When I choose my own path? Or is it when I walk through the way that was set for me by someone? I’ve never made any decisions ever in my life so far. Life has been rude enough to make someone else to do that for me all the time. This time I’m not gonna let life do that mean old dirty trick on me. Coz I’m in charge of my life, and I will be, from now until I last..

I asked him whether he’s in a Sylvia Plath mood. But now I think that I am. Life sucks so much and everyone have been asking me why it is so at this “small” age itself.. I don’t know whether they’re making fun of me. Or do we really have to be at a particular age to say that life sucks? Anyway, I gotta admit, there have been too many signs that are suggesting me to adopt the extreme. But I’m scared to… scared because suddenly the unthinkable has happened.. How would have I thought that things would turn up so? Or am I mistaken? Hasn’t been there any change in this world? Is it just seemingly or superficially wonderful? I’ve had moments like this before in my life too, but they all led to horrible aftermaths, and their memorries still make my eyes water sometimes. Is it the heart that wins where blood fails or is it vice versa? I’ll have to see for myself.. i.e if I can.. which means, before the crucial moment.

I miss someone very deeply. It might be him.. I’m sure, it is him. Absence makes heart grow fonder, is it? Let him come, I’ve got a heavy heart and I need to open up. So let him come, and I hope that the inevitable does not happen before his return. I’m wondering now.. about something that he said some time back. What if he’s right? I’ll probably kill myself if he is, but maybe he was suggesting the extreme, so that his good friend wouldn’t be that sad when she realizes the truth, after having expected the worst. God!! I can’t wait for him to come back, coz eighty-nine days is a very long time for a best friend to stay apart.

Tomorrow’s May 1st. A great, big voidness for a whole month awaits me. Hope I won’t kill myself out of boredom…