Having posted absolutely useless stuff till now, atleast as I think so, I have thought about a fresh start. So here I am, blogging at 2:54am, as if affected by insomnia.. Insomnia?? Nope.. Absolutely not… This is just some sort of excitement about something… The thing that u feel the night before a study tour or excursion!! Hmm.. It reminds me of my 11th standard excursion from school. We went to Goa, by train, on a pleasant Saturday morning. Goa was interesting, but the best part of the trip was the robbery in the train. Poor thief!! Too bad for him that we were on our return trip when he planned to thieve!! He must have gone “!@#$%” when he found our empty purses!!

11th and 12th standards in my alma mater… for me, those were the days! Seriously, I think my present college isn’t half as cool as my school was.. This particular engineering college is the saddest institution in the country according to all of us, the unlucky ones studying there.. But now the situations r changing, and I personally think that the conditions r worsening every year, I mean, as far as the management is concerned.. Their dreams of bringing up a Well Disciplined Professional College are almost shattered. C’mon… what were they thinking of? holding the leash of 22 yr old students? Perish the thought.. No student unions, and no representatives from the students side… This isnt a war, I know.. I’m just more than glad to leave this college.

In just 5 months, I managed to get some excellent friends there, and the most touching moment in this college was when one of them cried when I said that I’m leaving… She’s my favorite out of everyone.. She knows it too even if I haven’t said it out. She’ll be almost alone after I go… We both seem to be in the same frequency, and our hearts r so close to each other’s. And I guess nobody will ever understand her as I have. Such a sincere and selfless friend like her is so hard to find.. Therefore its tough for me to say goodbye as well..

The song “Yun hi chala” from Swades is really something.. I’ve been listening to it over and over again for a long time.. And its not irritating at all.. A R Rahman music is for everyone in every mood!

I am totally confused now. What should I do? Go back to engineering? Or to stay firm on my decision to do what I really wanna do? My mom pointed out all the benefits of engineering.. Let me recollect them…

* Its easy to get a job
* My future will be safe
* Its a plus point in getting an alliance
* It has a good status status in the society
* Its a valid degree anywhere in the world
* It is possible to go for a no. of other jobs besides engg
* Etc, etc..

I dont have any benefits to point out regarding fashion designing because luck has to play an important part besides skill, and also, money matters a lot. Coming from an upper middle class family, I have the need to get a job as soon as my studies r over, and I must be careful enough not to spend much money over my studies. But money isnt’t the problem here as far as I know. Its the ego thats causing the problem.. Someone is taking all this as a prestige issue. As if I’m trying to take somebody else’s side and is trying to crush someone down… Isnt someone forgetting that we’re all one family? I am sick of this.. I’ve seen enough of this, and if I can escape to some place where I wont have to see this, I wouldn’t miss the chance.

Morpheus

Which Of The Greek Gods Are You
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I’ve taken a lot of similiar tests like this one, though I dont believe in all this.. But if all of them should give similiar results, either there might be something true about it, or they were all created by the same people!!

Of course, I’m happy that I made it into Assumption College for fashion designing; my dream has almost come true. But I wish that it was not Assumption, but some other college in B’lore. Assumption offers a valid degree from a known university, but I need enough exposure into this field coz I’m aspiring to make it big into this field, and not jus make it into it. But there’s another problem brewing up at my home. I really wish that my mom would whole-heartedly send me for this degree. But I dont see that happening. Anyways, I’ve decided to go, my bro and dad agrees with me, and eventually, mom will too.. I know that and I hope so…

Other than that, today was a great day, but I keep wondering why people who dont even know me properly take the interest and liberty to judge me. Why the hell do they care for what I do? It does not affect them in any way, does it? I’m a very sensitive person, I take criticism right to my heart, especially from people who doesnt know anything about my situations. I’ve never been in their way, have I? Or is it that they don’t want me around anywhere? The fact that I’m a very sensitive and emotional person is unknown to most.. The slighest degree of anger, hatred, sarcasm, neglect etc can set me crying bitterly… Thats my worst drawback, I cry like a baby when I’m emotionally broken down and I cannot hold back my tears even if it is in the public.. But I try my level best not to do so, though… Of course, when tears come to our eyes, our vision will be certainly blurred, thats my strength!! As long as we can’t see them, we don’t have to care about the presence of others..!!!

Well, there’re a hell lot of reasons around me to cry about, and a hell lot of others to laugh about.. And also, there’re some other things too, about which I dont know whether to cry or laugh… Therefore right now, I’m puzzled… and sleepy too… So I’m gonna try and get some good sleep right after this…

Its a pity that I dont use swear words… Though I know a hell lot of them, I never become profane. Then how shall I let out my anger, frustration, sadness and all? In the morning, there were only a few reasons, but as the day got older, I think enough reasons popped up to drown me in. Are there only frauds in this world? Why can’t I ever meet people who are a bit more nice? And why is the world becoming such a tough place for me day by day? God! I wish I wasnt born.. Or else, make me invisible, so that I can kill a few people out there. Really!! This has gone too far, and I cant take it anymore. As I feared, that ghastly animal in me has begun to rupture out of its lair and is about to take out a few lives too..

But the thing i want to ask to myself is why am I so much worried about people who doesnt mean anything to me? or do they really mean a lot to me, and i’m jus ignorant abt it?? In that case, I’m damn possessive and thats whats making me feel this way right now… But do they feel about me the same way that I feel about them? Is everyone truthful about their feelings? I dont think so.. Relationships have lost their value.. Frauds rule… and the ones who really put their time and effort to make a relation work are just fools who do not get back anything in return for their strain.

Life sucks.. atleast for the moment, i feel so.. Nothing’s happening. Till last week, I had something to get me going, and that was the exam for selection to Bachelor of Fashion Technology degree, in Assumption College. Now that its over, its frustration period for me.. Will I get through, or won’t I? The hype is over, its the boring engineering life again. I have to complete records and the never-ending assignments. How did I bring myself into some place that I never ever wanted to tread upon? Maybe thats what engineering is all about!!

Life truly sucks big time… I am feeling depressed right now. Many of my friends have misunderstood me.. They have imagined me as someone whom i can never be even in their worst nightmares. What should I do? I don’t have the patience to make them understand who I am. Now some of them think that I’ve been avoiding them, which is something I wouldnt do ever in my life… Atleast, if I’m avoiding anybody, I’ll take care to see that the person doesnt feel so!! So far I’ve tried to keep everybody happy. If u try to make everyone happy, then ur life will suck for sure… Thats what I’ve heard.. Maybe thats whats happening to me right now.

Haven’t I heard somewhere.. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.. Its a song, and it makes sense to me right now.. Gawwwd help me out of this crazy mood.. I maybe very much passionate about solitude. But that’s the solitude which i create myself, and not the one thats imposed on me… See… this is what happens when I am left alone at home…

At last… I too started blogging! But the problem is that, I dunno exactly how to blog..! I have never even read a single blog ever.. So how am I gonna go about it? Lemme see, what is the difficulty? Just type whatever thats coming to your mind.. But till now, I guess I have deleted much more than than what I can see here… Ahh.. maybe its because its the first time! Its just a blog, its nothing to get overwhelmed about…! But thats me… I’m someone who gets tensed up for even the simple things in life..

OK, this is too pathetic! Coz I’ve been sitting in front of this computer for over a minute wondering what to type.. I hope something good comes along that will help me gain momentum… hmm… Well.. I have something interesting to share.. I’ll talk about some miserable beverages. I tried tonic water for the first time. It tastes like… like… I dunno… anyway its really crappy and yucky… Its my bro who wanted to taste it… He tried the Non-Alcoholic Malt-Beverage too… of course, I took a sip.. And I discovered something.. its the second yuckiest thing next to tonic water! But there are some interesting drinks too… Ginger beer for instance.. I wont regret myself for trying it out… Ever since i read about it in Famous Five, I wanted to give it a try!

Okay enough with the drinks… and btw, i realized something, if i really have something to blog about, then this becomes purely fun! But right now, I am out of material…! Moreover, this is just a test, if there’s a “delete” option, surely, this one’s going into the trash! Its past lunch time, and my long wait for my brother to come back home is over.. Gotta have something!